The SunWhore Gets a Fix
Thank you, thank you, thank you Seattle Weather Spirits. Or Ra. Whoever.
Finally! Finally, holy shit, the sun is out! And warm! One could even say hot without being a whining Seattleite baby today! Ohmyfuckinggod, it's actually sunny today, and I can not even tell you how amazingly fucking HAPPY that makes me.
You guys have no idea; I would dose up on sunshine with a crack spoon. I don't know if it's a genetic thing that people either have or lack, but I'm pretty sure I'm predisposed to sun addiction. It is practically orgasmic for me to lay out there and feel the HEAT soaking down to the bone. I get goosebumps, no lie. In this heat, I get friggin' goosebumps it's so damn good.
I mowed the lawn, did the weedeater, planted some flowers, lay in the heat, and now I'm on the porch with my dogs, my flowers, the Buena Vista Social Club blasting some Cuban beats, and a cold beer, with no schedule. Holy shit people, if that's not orgasmic, tell me what is.
Scratch that.
Well ... only if you feel like it.
I sweated today. I'm surprised my sweat glands weren't permanently blocked up. Apparently, still functional. I got sunburned! Not good for you, I know. After nearly four years in Seattle (shootmenow) I have no base pigment. None. No protection whatsoever. My melanin has given up the ghost. In fact, "ghost" pretty much covers my look. I mean, I know I'm white, but damn. If there were paint chips based on my skin tone, I've moved past Fish Belly and am currently about at Corpse White.
Not appealing.
It pretty much pisses me off that skin protected with sunscreen, sporting a nice blotchy pallor is actually the healthy way to go, because damn, it looks so unhealthy.Conversely, beautifully browned skin, which looks so goddamned healthy for the first howevermany years, is actually the one that will reward you with cancer or leatherface. Bastards! Fuck.
A tan covers a multitude of unpleasantries. Think about it -- zits, those black circles under the eyes, blotchiness, cellulite -- a nice tan just glosses right over that shit.
Nature's airbrush.
A girlfriend of mine and I used to have a saying, "Tan fat is better than white fat." That pretty much covers it. You all know what I'm talking about.
I know there are those pale waifs with flawless milky complexions. Usually they have huge dark eyes and dark hair. Or green eyes and red hair. They're practically translucent. They're usually the chicks who can go bald and look friggin' awesome . Gorgeous. Yeah, whatever. Too bad they make up about .01% of the population. For some reason those people never have the blotchy thing happening on their skin. I pretty much hate them.That look does not work for me. Regular Caucasian-type folks just look healthier with a bit of a tan, I'm sorry. It feels better. The offspring have been making note of my Seattle-pallid look. I wouldn't go so far as to say they're rubbing it in my face, it's more of a subtle smartassery, but it's there. Brats.
Anyway. I got sunburned today in my zeal for getting some vitamin D. Ask me if I care.
Okay, I'm out of here, I've got to finish that shrine to Ra.
7 comments:
Daughter-Unit is one of those "pale waifs with flawless milky complexions". When she tilts her head up, the underside of her chin plainly shows all of her blood vessels there, it's that transparent. Green eyes and dark brown hair (with red highlights).
Never had a blemish in her 16 years. Not one--not even blackheads.
And she's built, which of course gives me nightmares about teenaged boys and overactive libidos.
Yeah, I'm blessed with her. And cursed with her.
What's scary is that I get a little color even after spackling myself with SPF 30. Well, sort of. My freckles just expand until they almost resemble a tan. But still.
I'm the person one would hold up on a flag pole to indicate surrender. But when I was a kid, I could tan for hours and never burn. I miss skinny tan me much more than I enjoy fat flag me. sigh.
To preserve my skin I tried the spray-ons, but it's not the same. It's so not the same. Even a tanning bed doesn't make you look as good as the real thing.
Does this mole look like it's getting bigger?
AH: hell yeah, bring on that tan skinny wench, where the hell did she go? Crap.
JP: It's a beauty mark, honey. Don't worry.
R7E: Freckles are sex-say.
BN: Sorry, don't like her. sigh.
and this Sun that you worship does it demand virgin sacrifices?
sigh. it's why i couldn't live in the pacific northwest. beautiful, lush environment and i would be sui-homicidal after more than 4 days w/o sun. we had a two week period about five years ago, mid-january, during which we had no sun, not a ray, not a glow, nothing. i ran down like a sun-powered car. sloooooower and slooooowweeeeerr, just no energy, fuzzy thinking, all i wanted to do was sleeeeeeeeep.
need the sun. need it. happy you've got some. and i too wish the tan thing was not a recipe for looking like an old hide at 60.
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