History

So this isn't so much a post, more like commentary to point you toward two others' posts.

Not long ago, I read a piece at PPR Scribe's place that shook me. The piece was about taking her two young daughters to the Underground Railroad Freedom Center in Cincinnati, Ohio.

PPR Scribe does these black and white photos on her site. They are always striking, but the photo of her daughters, in this place, taking this wicked history into their tender hearts, just wrenched my guts. I started to comment that it made me think of the Bohemian's trip to Ghana because ... but I couldn't make it mean what it means, so I deleted it and just said, "Thank you for sharing this" or some such lame nothingness.

Today, Scribe commented about the Bohemian, mentioning her own daughters, and the importance of role models. It got me thinking again about the histories that our daughters share. The Bohemian wrote quite a few posts about Ghana, but there were two that to this day make me feel like my insides are falling.

Yesterday we went to the River of the Last Bath. Basically, when the Europeans had marched their captives through Africa, they dunked them in this river so they'd be clean when they got to the coast, where all the buying was going on. A clean captive brings more money.

All the towns we passed through on the way had the the word "Assin" before the name of the town. In Twi, it means "passing", because the men and women the slave traders captured walked through there in chains. [snip]

I was afraid to go down there and look that in the face. I wished I could refuse to go. I wished that option was there. But of course it wasn't.

If you want to understand why people "can't just let it go", read about the River of the Last Bath.

After that, if you want to know why history still hurts, why it's not all-over-now-anyway, read about Elmina Castle, that splendid structure where the Portuguese, Dutch, and British processed enslaved Africans for their passage to the New World. The photo above is from Elmina.

Whenever we pull up to these places I'm never ready. I'm like, could we come back and do this later? After my lunch has settled - after the air gets cooler - after I take some pictures of the harbor - just hold on a second. But we go in anyway and see the castle, and because of the river I handled it better than I thought I would, but it wasn't something you could look at every day and still be human.

I don't know how anyone can read the rest of those posts without having a perspective shift, without having the air sucked out of them, but reading the words from my daughter ... holy hell, people. That hurts. More so knowing that I can't even understand it. Not really. She is my child, of my body, but as a white person, I can never know the pain she felt. Not really. I'll never be able to shield her from it or take it from her. It was her history, her experience, not mine -- she had to walk there without me, get gutpunched without me, internalize it, mourn it, fight it, and (try to) heal from it without me. She walked with her friends, her sisters, who carried that horrible heaviness with her. I can imagine it, I can think I understand it, but I can not. Not really.

When I read Scribe's post, read about her daughters' tears, about looking out the windows across the Ohio, another River, it hurt my heart to think of all the little girls and boys who have to face this history, reconcile it. Other little girls and boys get to choose whether or not to face it - and their part in it. But it made my heart glad to read about a parent who is teaching her daughters, who is there to walk with them, to share the weight of it. To arm them.

It must've been hard for PPR Scribe and the Bohemian to write these things down, to share them. I hope you take the time to read their posts. And teach your children. Thank you, ladies.

"But It's 2007!"

It seems ignorant comments are not just confined to my son's history class.
(Read "Yes, Virginia, People Still Do Say That Shit", if you haven't yet.)

So this is a list of local situations that I've seen personally in 2007, in case anyone still is clinging to the notion that racism is over.

Male Offspring, while fully expected to excel at sports, did not receive the IB* application packet when the other kids did. This despite the fact that he took sophomore math and honors science in the 8th grade. Despite the fact that both sisters are/will be succesful IB diploma graduates.

(*IB = International Baccalaureate, an international honors program.)

No one could tell me why. Something in the IB coordinator's "Sorry about that, but the deadline has passed now ... he can try next year, though," gave me the feeling they just wanted me to quit asking.

Next year? Excuse me? He's supposed to jump into this program after missing the first year? And then you'll wonder why he's not successful? No. Fuck that. Fuck you. He earned his place same as those other kids, he's going in this year.

Thank goodness for his counselor. We got him in through the back door. He'll have his shot.

But I've learned that it is part of my privilege that I am listened to and often see results when I go to address an issue at the school, and that I even have that expectation. (Often there is visible relief when I show up to deal with a situation.  "Oh!  So ... YOU'RE Male Offspring's mother!  Okay!  Sooo nice to meet you!") Many, many parents of color I've spoken with do not experience the same results when they address things. In this case, the parents of color I talked with said they didn't even know about the IB application, let alone the deadline.  This says something about who receives information. And who doesn't. If it weren't for the fact that I'd already fought to get my girls into the program, I wouldn't have known that this opportunity existed for Male Offspring.

They are usually the only Black students in their IB classes. And I had to fight for that.


------------------------------------
There is an African American girl in Teen Demon's class who is the personification of school spirit. She is student body president, is involved in school clubs, and one of the few Black kids in IB. Her grades started to slip; she was stretched too thin with all her activities. She was told to consider moving to regular classes. That's a message about the expectations for her.

Another girl, a White girl, actually wanted to drop IB. School was not her biggest priority, she wasn't involved in clubs, sports, or activities. She actively attempted to move to regular classes. Not only was she encouraged to stick with it, they did not allow her to drop out.  Let me say that again:  they did not allow her to drop out. She eventually did, but those adults had expectations of her; they fought for her, they encouraged her, despite the fact that she wasn't even interested in the program.

The first young lady was not encouraged. They did not fight for her. In fact, she was told maybe IB "wasn't the place for her," even though she had three years of that program under her belt, even though she contributes to the school in many ways. There were expectations for her as well.  Fortunately, she is not living down to those expectations.

Same school, same program, same teachers and administrators.  So even being class president isn't enough to overcome the disparity in treatment and in expectations here.  What the hell, people?


------------------------------------
The Radical Bohemian somehow got marked in the school's records as "White". This means her grades - excellent - were being credited to the White category as far as school performance. This pissed us off, as she was one of only two Black students in the IB program for her year, and now her performance was being credited as a White kid. I asked both the school and the district how that had happened.

Apparently, when we moved here, there was no provision for bi/multiracial students. You checked one box, and one only. So she didn't check any. (These days she just checks Black) Well, it turns out that,

Caucasian is the default.

What? I'm sorry, did you actually just say "Caucasian is the default"? No shit, we knew that; I just didn't know it applied to my daughter's school records as well as to life in general. I was told by a different person:

Oh, she's such a good student. Since you didn't check a category, someone probably looked at her grades and her WASL scores, and made a judgement call.

Are you fucking kidding me? So ... let's see if I've got this straight:  good grades + good standardized test scores + IB program = Caucasian kid? I don't think so. Unconscious bias, anyone?


------------------------------------
A Latina student was asked in Spanish class last week, where her family was from. She'd been taught her family history and Chicano history since she was a little girl. She is also shy, not one for speaking up. This though, was one area she knew, and she confidently told the teacher her grandparents were from the northern part of Mexico. The teacher looked at her name again and replied, smiling,

No -- Spain! Look at your name. Your family must be from Spain.

then she turned to the class and said,

Do you know why I say that? Because _________ is fair-skinned, and her last name is Spanish. Mexicans have the influence of the Indians, so many of them are dark-skinned.

All the kids in the class turned to look at this young lady. Surprise.

Are you kidding me? How arrogant. This teacher, who, by the way, speaks the most awful, gringoized Spanish I've ever heard, has the audacity to correct this child about where her family comes from, AND throw in some fucked up racist incorrect shit on top of it?

That young lady later said she felt stupid in front of her class. Like she didn't even know her own history. How do you undo that feeling?

My son has the same teacher. He says she has asked other students with last names like Garcia and Sanchez, why they are in her class. "Why don't you already speak Spanish?"  What?  Look, lady, do you speak Swedish?  No?  Why the hell not?  Explain yourself.

This is the most qualified individual the district could find to teach Spanish? You seriously expect me to believe there was not a more qualified native speaker who could teach Spanish? And you think there's not been a need for affirmative action?

In fact, I'd suggest that this one local situation is a great example of how our system has included automatic affirmative action for Whites since before we even became a country. In addition to being ignorant about her field of study, this teacher (whom Teen Demon also had for two years) is not even an effective instructor in her field. But she's the one they hired, she's the one who gets to teach the Spanish language to kids in this school. Hello, people, the White kids lose out too, in situations like that. That means your kids too, they're getting fucked up, substandard information in classrooms like this, all across the country.

Is it any wonder US folks in general are abysmal at speaking other languages?


------------------------------------
This same student, last spring, went on a field trip to the UW. Her mother put the trip together on her own, after finding out that the colleges only recruited from honors classes, and that a whole group of Latino kids had never been exposed to a college campus. The girl was fired up after the trip. This shy young lady got her nerve up and actually asked the school club administrator how to go about setting up a Latino Students Club. The advisor told her this:

I'm not sure that's such a good idea. It's not inclusive, you know? I mean, what if a White student wanted to start a White supremacist group here on campus? How would that make you feel?

Really? Are you fucking kidding me? An adult in this school actually compared a Latino Student Club to a White supremacist group. A hate group. What message does that send this student about the value of her culture? What does that say about the level of awareness we accept from the people in positions power? And why was this person permitted to take that action which is against the school handbook/policies on starting up student clubs? We can have a prayer group and a Young Republicans club, but not a Latino Club?

So between those two incidents with this particular student, what do you think the chances are that she, with her already shy personality, will take another chance on speaking up? What is the lasting impact on her? And without that club she wanted to start, what are the chances that she'll even find any support or understanding in the school?

(She did, eventually start the club. She had to fight for it, she had to bring in allies, but it's there now. It is very popular, and the young lady is coming into her own through the business of running it.  She's winning.)


-----------------------------------
An individual in a high position in my area took a group of her (White) staff to the Central District of Seattle in order for them to "learn what it's like to be a minority". I'm serious. So they trooped in for a meal, and now, apparently, they understand what it's like for, say, a student of color to be the only one sitting in a White classroom. Really. That hour is somehow equivalent to living a lifetime with a constant awareness of your environment behind the history of being Black in this country? That must've been one hell of a meal.

Oh, and they also, apparently, have increased their cultural understanding with collard greens!

This was relayed to a group of Black women and a Latino man in that well-intentioned way that suggests the person expects approval or even accolades for her actions. Or a cookie. The person relaying the story did not pick up on the reactions of the group. She truly thought she had done a good thing, and that she's ready for diversity work now.

More harm than good here, people.  This lady and her cohort may conclude that since they were fine on their dinner outing, a Black kid in a White classroom should be similarly fine. If he's not fine, they may see it as his fault, because after all, they managed when they were the "minority". For an hour. They may be even less willing to listen to voices of people who do live this stuff every day, because now they "know from experience".

Sigh.

So now, how to deal with that person, and her staff, who are in positions to affect things for young people? Her good intentions have made the work even harder for those around her, and she has no idea.


-----------------------------------
So yeah. These are just a few of the things I've personally seen or heard about, the kinds of things still happening in 2007. These are the things that well-intentioned people say and do. It happens a lot.  This is just a sampling.

And it wears a kid down after a while.

The Underdogs Get a Bone

Well, well, well. So yesterday was our first "working meeting" with the district. They did sort of try to drive the bus, which we expected, but I have to say this for them -- they were very open to all of our suggested adjustments. I think they actually do realize that this is a growing issue in the district, and I'm pretty sure they had long been at the point of, "Oh shit, this isn't going away, it's getting worse and our methods aren't working ... what now?" They seem genuinely appreciative and respectful of our "expertise".

Hmm.

We're kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's almost too easy. However, we asked directly what kind of training/awareness they have, and I was happy to hear that all three of the ass't superintendents have been through the Undoing Racism training facilitated by the People's Institute out of New Orleans. That's encouraging. It's some pretty intense training on institutional racism. It is most likely a large part of the reason we're facing cooperation rather than opposition.

One of the assistant superintendents worked in Arlington, VA, and said there were some really dynamic parent groups there -- she seems really passionate about getting things going here, and glad to have our input. Another, whom I will be working with on Personnel, is more quiet, but she seems on board so far, as does the last guy.

Huh.


So they were all gung-ho about splitting up into the work teams. We said we feel it's important to talk about our understanding of the issues, where do they believe these problem stem from, what training have they had, what is their level of understanding. We also said we'd like to spend time discussing how institutional racism and privilege are affecting students as opposed to personal prejudices, so that we're operating from the same base.

Once they put it out that they'd been through the Undoing Racism training, I expected them to just say, oh, you can see we're up to speed, we're good as far as that goes, let's move on. But they didn't.

When we said we believed that training for them, for the group as a whole, was important before we could move on, they suggested setting an entire day set aside for that. Asked us what type of training we envisioned. Said they'd support bringing in facilitators. Asked us what we thought would be most effective. Said maybe it could be used as a model to train teachers, counselors and other personnel later, as an addition to Undoing Racism, as that is expensive, has limited capacity, and is only offered at certain times. (that and it doesn't sugar coat it ... we figure they want to start out more warm and fuzzy. Sigh.0

Huh.


Furthermore, they asked us if we'd be willing to give our presentation (ohgawdnotagain) at one of their regular administrators' meeting. This is ALL the administrators. All the principals, assistant principals, advisors, program managers from transportation, food service ... la-dee da-dee everybody. They said our presentation was so powerful that they want all their administrators to see it, so they will know where this work is coming from.

OK ...

We were all kind of looking at each other trying to communicate "Do you believe this shit?" to each other without being obvious. One of our members said that sounds very good, but we don't believe it would be effective to just bring our dog and pony show without the express support of the top level district -- you know, looking like a plea for support from the bottom that they can buy into or not. (One of the points in our presentation was that diversity efforts are currently decentralized; each principal has authority over his/her school -- we believe it has to come from the district for consistency, so that every student benefits, not just some) Their immediate response was absolutely, that's the purpose -- it will be presented so that everyone knows we are there at the request of and with the backing of the superintendent.

Huh.

So we agreed to do that. It will happen September 18th.

Teen Demon was there, and is going to work on a project to bring the Multicultural Clubs/Diversity Clubs from all 4 high schools together in some sort of event. She is also going to share the student survey that she helped do for her Multicultural Club, and get that implemented district wide. Watching her talk to these guys, you'd think she'd been doing this for years. This is going to be great experience for her.

Now we have to figure out what we want to see for the training day --- this is a tremendous opportunity to get this info where it needs to go: to the guys who hold the power. The gatekeepers. We did not expect to have that chance.


So we're going to run with it. The other shoe may be waiting to drop, for now, we're going to run with it. Who'da thought?

Maybe You Can Fight City Hall

Whew! I know I said I would update on my parent group's big Meeting With the District, but my life has been thrown a few curve balls the last couple of weeks. I feel like a goddamn outfielder. Blindfolded with no glove.

So, the meeting: the result was better than we had even hoped for. Our goal was for the district to hear our concerns and to work toward addressing them, our hope was that the district would agree to partner with us in some capacity in order to do that. We knew the partnering thing might be kind of a longshot. A representative from one of the community advocacy groups has been sitting on our meetings for support. She has been involved with parents in other districts who have tried similar things, and their districts have told them no, they don't need the parents' or communities' help. So we didn't know what to to expect. We thought maybe they'd throw us a bone and let us sit in on some board meetings, maybe take our info and say thanks, they'll take care of it and get back to us. We figured they would be defensive and bring out all the info on programs they've implemented, and why this shouldn't be a problem because they've done A, B, and C.

We worked really hard, starting out with stories from the families, and pulling from that a document covering what we believe to be the root causes of what our kids deal with. From there we came up with a presentation to bring before the district. We had prioritized all our issues and decided to focus on addressing the top three: Personnel (hiring, training), Discipline, and Expectations & Programs. Sounds simple, but it was a lot of work and emotion to get to that point.

They agreed to meet with us, as you read in the other post. The superintendent himself, and all three of his assistant superintendents, as well as others from the district. We had some support from a couple of community groups and also a representative from our city's new Diversity Commission. We were nervous, y'all. We're just parents, we've got no budget, we're not a non-profit, we don't get paid for our hours on this, we haven't had facilitator training or community organizer training. We work, some of us are single parents, and when it came down to being in a room facing this row of white faces with Ph.D's ... it was a little intimidating.

But we did it, and I think we did a really good job. The district was not defensive. They thanked us for coming, for bringing our expertise in this area. Said they realized there were problems, and they would like some help in how to go about addressing those problems. They agreed that the face of our district is changing, as far as the students, but it is staying lily-white as far as the teachers and administrators.

They agreed to work with us.

Not just "hey you can come to some meetings, thanks for these resources, we'll keep you updated," either. They agreed to form three teams to address this. Yes, I said three. One for each of our areas, so that the process wouldn't be too linear and drawn out, because nothing would get done that way. Wow! And, check this out: they agreed that this effort needs the backing of those actually in positions of power, so on their side, each team will be represented by a top level administrator. I'm talking the assistant superintendents themselves, y'all. Each of them will be on a workgroup. We will be the other parts of the workgroups. We said we believed the students themselves need to be involved, and they said yes to that as well. The workgroups will come together as a whole group periodically.

How 'bout them apples?

Hell yeah.

So we'll see. We're cautiously optimistic. One concern is that we all be operating from the same level of understanding. At the meeting, we brought up the issue of training -- it needs to be deep, ongoing, and across the board. Not some hour-long diversity training that you take once a year, makes everyone feel good, and checks off the institution's diversity requirement for that year. That's not good enough. And it's not good enough to send 2 or 3 people from a school to a deep useful training, and say we're done. What about the other 350 teachers, administrators, counselors at that school?

The sensitive issue will be their level of training -- they let us know at the meeting they themselves have had loads of training, they recognize the importance, yada yada. We'll see. I want to know their understanding of the issues. I want to know how they define institutional racism, white privilege, I want to hear their understanding of how that differs from personal prejudice, because it's a whole different thing. In order to be effective, we need to operate from a common base.

It's one thing for them to say "yes, there issues, yes we need to address them," but if our understanding of where those issues stem from is fundamentally different, then the process of coming to solutions will fall apart. As one of the parents put it,

It's about seeing the light, not just feeling the heat.

Bingo. We want to see the consciousness raised, not just compliance under pressure.

Another concern is they seem very much to want to take charge, so we're going to have to be mindful of how WE want to organize ourselves and the direction that we want to move. There are different ways of doing business, and as encouraged as I am by their positive response, we'll have to be mindful of being "guided" to where they want us and along their path. They, of course, are the experts with school administration, but we are the experts in this arena. We just have to remember that.

Anyway, it was a very positive result, and I'm really encouraged. It's more than we expected, that's for sure.

I was so proud of Teen Demon at the meeting! She "drove" the powerpoint for us, clicking the slides and all. After the presentation, she spoke up and told the superintendent about a survey that her Multicultural Club had done at her high school. The survey to was to find out how students of color feel about the school climate and where they fit into it. The superintendent said that sounded like a great idea, he'd be interested in seeing the results. At this point, Teen Demon could've just said, great, thanks and the meeting would've moved on, but she spoke up again and told him that she would like to see this survey implemented district-wide. She said she believes it's important for the administration to understand what the students themselves are feeling about their environment and their experiences, and that it's necessary to do that for the whole district, not just one school.

Go, baby! She was so confident, too. She told me she definitely wants to be on one of the work teams, and wants to start now. She friggin' rocks. She should run for President.

I am going to work on the Personnel work group. I kind of had to adjust my thinking on that; that was the section that I presented at the big meeting -- again with the "it's better for them to hear it from a white person" in that subject: if a white person says we need more teachers of color, it must be true, because they don't have an ulterior motive! It's not self-serving if they say it, they are just being objective! Whatever. I really hate that and it makes me very uncomfortable, but there it is. (And we could totally see the different reactions, too, both to my section and to my summary. Grrr.) Anyway, that was the section I presented, but I really didn't feel qualified to take on that workgroup, because it involves hiring as well as training, and I just felt that a white person meeting with different groups for recruiting purposes might be kind of off-putting. So I had volunteered to work with Expectations & Programs. I actually do have some experience with implementing programs when my kids were younger.

I ended up questioning that though, based on the reactions of the other 3 women I'm doing this with. I called one of them later and asked her to talk about her opinion on that. Turns out they believed that I should be doing Personnel, that it would set off fewer defensive reactions, that a white person insisting on changed hiring practices will be taken differently than a person of color saying we need more people of color. Well. Basically, "they're your people, honey, they'll work with your ass."

I really didn't feel all that comfortable with that assessment. But this work is not about my comfort level. It is not about me deciding what's best. I think that being an ally in this kind of work involves working with people of color and deferring to their judgement on things that they have a deeper understanding of than I do. I have a role in this work, but it is ultimately not "my" work, if that makes any kind of sense. White people as a whole (not all individuals, don't get your panties in a bunch) have been making choices and deciding "how things will work" for people of color since this country got started. Our comfort level (as a whole) has always come first. If we want to challenge how the power structure of our society supports that, we have to learn to work in different ways. So I needed to listen to my friends and trust their judgement of this, even though it kind of makes me squirm.

Again, I know I sound all soapboxy with this stuff sometimes. As I said in my last post about it, it's not like I woke up and decided to make this shit up. It's a result of having a unique "window" into this shit, via my children and the experiences of our family. How can I deny this shit, when I SEE the different reactions I get when I walk out of the house alone, when I walk out with my kids, and when I walked out with my Ex in the past? How can I deny it when I see the different reaction I get from the principal as compared to the reaction parents of color get? It is there, and no, you wont' see it often as a white person. Of course we don't see it, it doesn't happen to us. It is not our reality.

Damn, I started off just to tell about the results of the meeting, and I did go ahead and get up on that box again, didn't I? It's just that this stuff is real and it's important, and it's frustrating when people don't see it or believe it's there, or realize the impact it has on these young people.

OK, that's all. We meet with them today at three for our first big group meeting.

Taking on the Man

Okay y'all, wish me luck. Today is the big day when my fledgling parents' group meets with the school district superintendent and his minions. We've been working our asses off for this meeting. It's a grassroots group. It started off with a few of us sharing our stories, and realizing how many stories were out there, and how many "isolated incidents" were not isolated incidents at all, but a reflection of a systemic lack of awareness of the issues that students of color deal with every day. The more parents we spoke with, the more commonalities emerged.

Each parent thought it was "just them". In each case, the child was seen as the "issue". The commonalities were too blatant to ignore, though, and the kids are the ones internalizing this shit. It's amazing what's been going on with these kids! None of us knew the big picture until we started digging and talking to other parents, hearing their stories.

Anyway, it's been been me and three other women organizing this. This is on top of us all being single moms/aunt to teenagers and working. Yeah. Monday we put four hours in. Yesterday, three more. I spent the weekend doing a power point presentation. Last night I wrote the summary after the airport, got to bed about 0230, then got up to go with the son to freshman orientation at the high school.

Orientation -- please. I was expecting to get some actual information, but the "parents' activity" was coffee and muffins in the staff lounge. What? I don't have time for chatting over muffins, are you kidding me? Where's the friggin' information? I got pressured to sign up for the opening BBQ, some bake sale, some other fundraiser, some ticket selling thing -- hello, been there, done that, working single mom now, thank you. I don't have time to bake for my family, let alone some function. I also got hear about where so-and-so had bought her cute bag; how Sally was SO devastated about not making cheer, and she was better than that other girl anyway; how so-and-so misses her husband so much and doesn't know HOW she'll survive with him being gone for a week on business! She doesn't work. Please. You can't handle a week without your man and you don't even go to work? Buck up, honey, you'll live, I promise. I was out of there in five minutes.

I do digress. This was supposed to be a quickie. And you all know how good I am at brevity. (Stop the fake coughing JP, I see you.)

Anyway, today's the meeting, I ditched the orientation and am going over my summary. How I got stuck with the damn summary I have no idea. Well, yes I do. Let the white girl do it, she's less of a threat to white men in power, they'll listen to her. Which is sadly true. "If a white person notices racism, then it must actually be true, because they don't have 'ulterior motives' or a 'chip on their shoulders'."

It "goes down easier" coming from another white person; this has been documented. Which is ridiculous, because really, I'm not the one who has the innate understanding/experience to explain this shit. But, I've seen how it works: person of color starts a dialogue about his/her experience with racism; white person's sphincter immediately tightens, s/he goes on the defensive, secretly thinking that the PoC has "pulled the race card" and is "too sensitive"; white person either clams up and nods with a tight smile, or attempts to explain to the PoC why they have not actually experienced racism, they have in fact simply misunderstood, or been overly sensitive.

I really hate when white folks try to tell folks of color what racism is and isn't.

Okay, y'all, I know I'm on about this stuff a lot. I know some of you may be like,

Damn, Cowbell, lighten up, can't we all just get along? I never see this stuff going on. Pull the racism stick out of your ass and get back to writing about how your mom wants you to marry a preacher!

I know it sounds soapboxy to those who don't have to live with it or see it going on. I realize this.

You all think I just woke up one day and say, hey, I'm going to all of a sudden get a stick up my ass about racism and white privilege! That would be fun! No, it's not fun at all. What happened is that I see the effect on my kids, subtle and blatant. Particularly since my son has been hit with the puberty stick -- folks' perception of him has changed before my eyes, which breaks my heart and pisses me the fuck off. (He's good, he's kind, he's a kid for godssake, don't be scared of him, he's not going to steal your stupid greeting-card-store knick-knacks, bitch.) I see the bullshit in the media. I hear the comments. I see how it is subtly woven through our institutions. And when I talk to other parents, I hear stories worse than mine. Much worse.

My kids are kids of color, but the reality is that they are riding the coat tails of my white privilege. A teacher may make an assumption about my son, may send him out of the classroom while smiling at his white buddy who was also talking in class. To my son. When I show up to talk about it, the look of relief is plain to see, ("Oh, YOU'RE Mom! Whew!" Because I will "understand", I will not "be difficult".) On the phone, the administrators may not want to put my son in advanced classes, may not want to answer my questions about why I didn't receive the application packet in the mail. When I walk in though, when they see me, suddenly he is of the caliber to qualify for these classes.

Their perception of his home life, his support, his ability is suddenly different.

On the other hand, boy do they value his ass on the football field, the wrestling mat, the track. They are sending my son a message about where he is valued, where he is expected to excel.

My experience in the school principal's office is much different than the experience of my friends of color. Which is bullshit.

Goddamn but I do digress. Sorry.

Anyway, I'm doing the summary, in order to avoid the clenched-sphincter phenomenon brought on by "playing the race card." Well, these boys don't know it, but I'm about to pull the white card on their asses. I am going to connect with them on their level. I am going to talk about how, as white people, we are not born with an awareness of this. I was not born knowing about this. I floated along for years, blissfully unaware of what other people were living every day. I had to learn it. It was my responsibility to learn about it, in order to effectively parent my children. And the district has that same responsibility to educate themselves, because our children are their students. It's their school too, and they deserve to be appreciated and valued for who they are, not for how effectively they can assimilate into the dominant culture to avoid problems. Not for how well they learn to suppress that shit.

Anyway, they think they can "relate" better to me, okay, I'm expecting something from them. So we'll see how it goes. It's been a lot of work, and the damn overhead projector had best be working right.

[Climbs down off soapbox.] I really do suck at brevity, don't I?