Assdad's Testosterone Surge
Where to begin? Today's thoughts range from assholes to playoffs to presidential candidates. Yes, actually I am thinking of separate situations.
I only caught the last portion of the 2-party presidential debates this evening. More about the debates in a minute. The son's wrestling tourney, for some insane reason, fell on the same day that Seahawks played - and WON - Game 1 in the Playoffs (hell yeah) Who schedules these things?! The Bohemian and I, along with some of the other dads (ha) stayed on the run between the gym and the hospitality room, where they had a TV set to the game. Male Offspring had 4 matches. We'd run to the gym to cheer him on, then run back to watch the Seahawks take another step toward the Superbowl. (No, RG, I don't have any illusions. But I sure would like to stomp the Packers next week.)
Something happened at the tourney today that really bothered me. Actually it pissed me the hell off. One of the son's teammates was wrestling. The guy is a good wrestler, but lost this particular match. His father was sitting behind me in the stands acting like a complete ass. I don't know the dad all that well, but from what I'd seen previously, I didn't like him. He's the type of guy who talks big shit about how his kid can kick the ass of any scared little pansy on the mat. Dude, seriously, no "I" in TEAM. I once heard him say this shit to Male Offspring:
Yeah, so [his son] was standing there, right, this was back in 7th grade man, and the other kids were looking scared. They thought he was in high school, man, I mean, he already had a beard coming in! 7th grade! So he's standing there, his arm's in a sling, he couldn't even wrestle, so the JV guy had to step up and wrestle in his place. The JV guy sucked, [his son] could've beaten that kid with only 1 arm! We were really pissed that the JV guy lost the damn match for him.
Meanwhile, his son (who is really a good kid, who isn't big or brawny, and who doesn't have the Beard of Sasquatch) was kind of digging his toes into the floor and looking down at the ground. The next time Assdad cornered Male Offspring for more testosterone tales, my son actually sent me a text message (without the guy even noticing) that read, "Help!" so I'd come rescue him.
Anyway, back to today. Assdad's kid is wrestling. Hard. He's a good wrestler. Assdad is cheering his kid on. But this guy is getting angry. I don't mean worked up in the excitement of the match, I mean actually angry. Not at the refs, not at the opponent -- he's getting angry at his son. Now, I was sitting directly behind the team area, so most of our wrestlers, including a large number of freshmen, were right in front of me. Assdad was directly behind me, and yelling loudly. His diatribe went something like this,
Hook that ankle! Aaaww, no! NO! Goddamn it, get your points! There ... get it ... get the ankl----he didn't get it! What're you doing? You're giving away your points!!!! What the hell are you doing out there?!
OK ... now stretch it out ... stretch!!!! Aaaw! How can you be so stupid? He's not ... I told him to ... goddamn it! OK ... now get it ... you little di-------- damn it!!!
This went on, for a very long 6 minutes. At one point I blatantly turned and gave him a very nasty look. He wasn't expecting it, and met my eyes, full on. There was no question he understood. He looked away, quickly, and toned down for about 30 seconds before he couldn't take it any more.
His son lost the match, only by a couple of points. At this point, a female family friend cuts in, laughing, trying to lighten the mood, "He tried! Come on, it was a tough match, you'd better be nice to him!" Assdad really went off then:
It's his own stupid fault!! How could he lose that? He didn't even try for his points, he just gave it away! Goddamn it. The dipshit!
What? Are you kidding me? I'm sorry, but when you call your own son a dipshit within earshot of his team members, you are truly an asshole. In fact, you're such an asshole, you could have your own bumper sticker. "Have You Called Your Kid a Dipshit Today?"
The Bohemian leaned over and said she hoped the kid wouldn't come over. But, of course, he did. Assdad couldn't even talk to him for a couple of minutes. Then he launches into an encouraging pep talk, with supporting thoughts like,
If you don't care about the points, why are you even going out there?
Don't ever, ever go out there if you don't really want to win.
Didn't I tell you to get that ankle? But you stepped wrong, you didn't listen.
Wasn't I the one who told you stretch it out when you're in that position? But you didn't do it. You didn't do it, and look what happened.
You handed your points over yourself. Why in the world would you do that?
There was a lot more, but that was the gist. At least he didn't call the kid a dipshit to his face. I can't imagine how his son felt. If I could hear all this, I know his teammates, at least the row in front of me, could hear it. And writing it here doesn't begin to convey the disgust and anger in this guy's voice.
Hey, Freakshow, newsflash for you: your son is going to feel the sting of your inexcusable behavior much longer than he'd feel the agony of defeat from one lousy match. And if this is the way you act every match, your son is probably going to feel queasy every time he remembers high school wrestling in the years to come. I'm pretty sure he felt bad enough about losing a match without any help from you.
You're there to support your son, not to relive your own failed glory days, assclown.
Your son took 3rd place out of 8 schools in his weight class -- his coach and his team was proud of him. You should be too. You should be proud of him whether he placed or not. Our school won the damned tournament, and your son had a part in that. How about giving him some credit for that?
I hate asshole sports parents. I was ashamed of how our school's fan group looked today. And we were the hosting school. Nice. I found Teen Demon afterward, and filled her in. She made sure the Yell Leaders found the kid and told him what a good job he did (It was a tough match, seriously). Even if your dad is a total assfreak, it's got to help at least a little when 5 hot Yell Leaders hunt you down to say you did a great job, right? Especially when they come bearing snacks.
Anyway. I know I do tend to wax bitchy about these things, far longer than may be interesting, but it upset me.
Anyway.
So, Male Offspring got 6th place out of 8 in his weight class. He did fantastic. A freshman, wrestling his first varsity high school tournament? Hell yeah. He pinned his first opponent in the first round, lost the other matches, but they were close, and he wrestled hard, and learned some things. Got a purple ribbon to hang in his room.
I'm done. Thoughts on the debates (the part I saw, anyway) tomorrow. Goodnight all.
22 comments:
That guy shouldn't be allowed to have access to his kid. I put up with a lot of that crap from my old man, though my dad had no problem with calling me a dipshit and worse.
Loudmouth might not know it, but once the kid gets out of the house he is probably not going to come back any more that he feels like he has to, if at all. I know, I'm there.
I feel bad for the kid. I also feel bad for asshole. I don't think he has any idea of how destructive his behavior is, or what the consequences will be later. I also have to say, whatever he gets later on he deserves.
Don't you just want to say: So get your ass out there and show us how's it done Butch!
And EG hits it on the nose.
Congrats to MOS - he's doing great - but then he's got the sort of support that a parent and sister should be giving.
Congrats on the offspring and his wrestling and the tournament win!
Okay, now on to the AssDad. More than a few of the parents who were within earshot of this clown, need to pull him aside and have a little chat with him, and include the coach as well.
And dirty looks aside, a quick little snark of "Dude, you either need to support your kid or shut the fuck up. You are an embarrassment and you're hurting your child. This isn't Professional Wrestling. Support your kid - he's wrestling - NOT YOU."
I've seen this type of parent over and over again at high school sporting events and it breaks my heart. They need to made to feel like pariahs with the other parents so they understand their behavior is just totally unacceptable.
Well, that my two cents.
On a more positive note: Go Seahawks! Cool come-back win in the last 3 minutes of the 4th quarter!
Congrats on MOS!
It's possible that the kid did exactly the opposite of what his AssDad was yelling on purpose. He is a teen, after all, and that is exactly what I would have done to flex my budding authority. A big "eff you" to the hysterical parent in the bleachers.
Good idea on sending the girls his way!
Like RG, I thought, "the coach really needs to have words with this guy" as I was reading. That, or you could corral your Cool Parent Posse and stage an intervention, except that he'd probably go all batshit crazy on you but would respond to an actual COACH dressing him down.
While I know my own father would never have behaved in such a way were I an athlete in high school, it's exactly that kind of assclown behavior that kept me from sports as a kid.
This is the one area where I think my fathers interest and skill in athletics helped me. He taught me two things that for whatever reason stuck, and have since formed much of my philosophy about my own involvement in sports.
One, just because it is a completion does not make it inherently antagonistic. We can be happy for our opponent, even when they beat us, because we are all striving to attain a similar goal.
Two, responding appropriately in heated scenarios like the one you described (which in most sports said situations happen frequently), is one of the best definitions for grace under pressure. It's a great way to learn self control and awareness of our actions and words.
People like that piss me off beyond the bounds of decency. I've gotten to the point where I walk up to the offender (and sorry fellas 99% of the time it's the Dad) and say in an icy dead calm voice "You are not only humiliating your child, but the entire team. And if you require a good investment broker for the funds required to put him through therapy later, I may have my broker's card with me." and I stroll away..
Doralong rocks. Just sayin'.
Okay, I would probably freak out if I had to hear a parent do that to a kid. I would do it away from the kid though. I would grab a hold of his balls and twist as I tell him what an ass he is. Well at least I think I would but I have issues with killing bugs so violence is just a dream.
About the Seahawks, Yes I am a big fan. They gave me two frickin heart attacks yesterday. I don't know how I will survive next weeks game with Green Bay. Oh I hope you don't have a wrestling match scheduled during this game...if so take your anger out on Assdad. I think the ball twist would be a good reliever.
I think the coach needs to be brought into this. He isn't just being an ass to his kid, he's making things uncomfortable for everyone. Grrrr, people like that make my mouth pucker.
I hated going to my kids games for just the stuff you posted. There were assdad and assmoms in the
60's and 70's and they have just gotten worse. I feel for the kid because you know the assdad was "nicer" in public and was a superassdad at home. YEA for your son...YEA!!!
EvilG: You're right - everything he's "investing" right now is what he's going to get back in returns later. The mom is actually cool. She came up (she'd been filming the match) to find the after-action-lecture going on, and just firmly said, "Let's go get some food in you," and took the kid away.
Willym: That's exactly what I was thinking - let's see you wrestle any better ... dipshit!
RG: Yes, I actually think I'll talk to the coach. It so took me by surprise. If it had been a stranger, I absolutely wouldve said something to Assdad, and wondered afterward why I didn't call him out on his shit. I think it's because I'm still a "new parent" to the high school team. In middle school I was one of hte core parents, but here, HE is, and I'm a new parent, and not really sure about the dynamics going on. Now, of course, I wish I had said something. The Bohemian and I were just talking about it (she doesn't usually have a problem calling people out on their shit either) and she said she felt it would've just exacerbated the situation - he was really beyond reason. Anyway, yes, now I'm regretting not actively speaking up, and I will say something to the coach. The part about us being the host school didn't occur to me until after, but that will also be important to the coach, i think.
Seahawks - the whole 4th quarter was just back and forth, on the edge of the seat. I was upset for a while - we really bumbled for a bit there - but we pulled it out.
Gavin: I wondered about that. I kind of doubt it, because of the relationship the kid has with his team - that's where he does get positive reinforcement. but yeah, he could be giving a big effyou, dad.
Red: yes, I think you're right. I'm not sure how he would've responded, but I'll say something to the coach.
Alto: Absolutely - there is so much good a kid can learn from sports, with the right mentors. With dipshit mentors, you can mess up a kid for life in some ways. Your dad, from what from I've read, was a real asset to kids in that arena.
DL: Yep - see above. I'm usually one to say some shit like that. Hindsight is a clearsighted bitch.
Sageweb: This guy probably would've just critiqued any ball-twisting: "You're not twisting hard enough! More to the left! If you're not going to do it right, why are you here?" haha.
Yes, my boys had me on the edge of my seat 4th quarter -- that last quarter was a wild ride, wasn't it?! That's ok ... 35-14 baby, yeah!
KA: Ha - I think this guy's problem is that his whole asshole was puckered.
rosemary: yeah, i think that's one thing that will probably never change. And yes, I'm sure that Assdad is going over the film his son at this very moment.
As Doralong stated, I too kept thinking "Therapy" as I read this horrific tale of emotional child abuse. Poor kid.
Silver lining? The cheerleader showering of attention, praise and food stuffs.
oh I would have turned around and given him SUCH a bip upside the head...jeez, what an asshole
Hat: Yeah. He is definitely one of those guys who gets way too worked up over sports -- which is ok, but "woot-woot, go Wombats!" is different than making someone feel like shit. Dude's got issues.
YDG: Oh, I so imagine you would have! Next time I'll be ready.
again, why I am so glad my kids are in band and art and such!
Those situations are so painful and so hard to handle. It sounds like you did well, especially with the cheerers seeking him out. I've been in situations like that, and I've done almost everything people mentioned here: direct confrontation with the assparent; icy stares; talking to the kid.... There's no easy answer. Confrontation often leads to escalation, which usually doesn't help. I'm with Red eric, hand it to the coach, who is the appropriate person to be setting behavior guidelines anyway.
You did good, sweetie.
Mouse: Yeah, those types are more visible in sports; people can get louder at sporting events, and pass it off as excitement over the game. I think they're everywhere, though.
The Bohemian was heavy into music, and some of those moms were ridiculous. Standing over their kids taking notes during piano lessons, snarky comments about who's playing what and at what level, who's in what competition, who has the top teachers, blah blah blah. And let's not even get into that whole soprano-diva thing, or auditions!
With my kids, most parents - both sports and music - were wonderful supportive parents. It's those few asshats who make their little darlings feel like crap. The sports parents are able to be more vocal and out of control, pretending like they're just worked up over the game/match.
Hey, maybe the male/female styles are part of it too? More dads get fired up over the sports, especially their sons. The moms tend to run the music/drama madness, and they're more into subtle bitchery over outright screaming, ha. Hmm, I hadn't really thought of that before.
Those beauty pageant moms are the ones who really scare me!
Elizabeth: Yes, it is painful (and embarrassing) for the kid. We'll see what the coach has to say.
One day that kid will probably smother his then-elderly dad with a pillow.
That man should be- I don't know just what - but something terrible should be done to men who abuse their kids.
And speaking of football, I love my Redskins. They had a hard year, but came through in a big way after their teammate was murdered.For every team that wins, another has to lose. I cried after their loss.
Allan: Or maybe tonight.
Mom: Yep. He's an ass. Oh honey, sorry about your team. Well, wait, let me stop lying. We won, I'm not really sorry. But, I do have a high amount of respect for the way they've played after losing their teammate in such an awful way. They really pulled it out with that winning streak in the end, and the stomped the Cowboys before they played us. The gave us a scare in that crazy 4th quarter, too. I like that everyone was putting 21s on their helmets -- I thought it was just us, becuase we were playing you guys, but I saw in other teams' helmets too. They done good...
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