On the Bright Side...
--UPDATE BELOW--
The good news is, I no longer sound like a frog crossed with Lauren Bacall.
The bad news is I now sound like Harvey Fierstein. Yeah. Not quite as sexy as the Bacall thing. Especially when you're a chick.
Also, the continuous coughing and hacking has had an unexpected benefit: that's right kids, the ongoing involuntary ab workout! So really, the danger of a hernia is balanced out by that 6-pack I'm sure to develop. And no gym fees!
Cold & sinus fun has now morphed into some form of hybrid crappery; not full blown flu, but so much more than the common cold. To get the same result, just add a nice lowgrade fever, a deep cough, and some achy joints to the requisite sore throat and snot filled head. And if you really want to mix things up a bit, every once in while, aspirate some of the crap ejected from the lungs during a good coughing convulsion, so that your throat completely seizes up and closes for about 37 minutes. Yeah, good times.
From what I'm reading and hearing, a fair number of my fellow west coasters, as well as some out east, are enjoying their own snot induced misery. I do recommend replacing that roll of toilet of paper with some of those lotion tissues. Big difference.
Hey, at least I'm not puking.
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OK, this shit's not funny any more. This has morphed into some serious sickness. I just now got out of bed ... at 5pm. Crap. Do you think a person could actually cough themselves inside out? I feel like Tony Soprano and Big Pussy just beat the living shit out of me. That's all I've got .
19 comments:
Cough, cough, cough yourself to a new, thinner you! Thanks Guthy-Renker!
I freakin' LOVE those lotion tissues.
And send my continuing hopes for a return to health. Try an Airborne once a day -- it's just full of vitamins and pagan herbal remedy $#!t -- meant to be preventative, but I've noticed that it helps me get better when I'm sick, too. Or else it's just a psychologically pleasing placebo. Either way, I like 'em.
Sounds like you are on an upswing...I am not as snotty as you..heh heh. My sickness is just my asthma flaring up. As painful as it is...the whole snot thing is a bummer. Especially when you are out in public and you get a good cough spasm going. What works for me when people give you that look like you just coughed up a baby...just say..."wow this tuberculoses is really acting up." Very rewarding to see the look on their face.
I hope you're feeling better soon. Being under the weather, particularly in the Pacific NW, is a drag. Harvey Fierstein...drag...get it? I'm here all week, and don't forget to tip the wait staff!
I promise to slap the shit out of anyone even thinking about coming near me if they so as much as have the sniffles...first of all i hate being sick.second of all i already have a voice that makes harvey fierstein sound like tiny tim...so when i get a cold my voice is reaaaaaaaaaaaly deep...
get well soon..
Ooh, I raise a glass of decongestant to you and hope you are better soon. My own malady is passing, thank goodness. Two solid days of misery but I'm four pounds lighter, so there you go.
Tomorrow. Doctor.
Damn everyone over there seems to be bedridden - and not in a good way.
Take care of that and if it continues I'm with Rosemary - you don't want it to develop into anything worse.
Well that's one way to workout.
If you don't improve soon please go to a doctor.
Please see a professional, there are a lot of shitty viruses out and about, several causing pneumonia!
Mine has finally taken a turn for the better 8 days after it started. The mornings are still rough though. The gunk I'm coughing up is denser than painters caulk and just as sticky. Aaarrrrgh.
Awww.... poor thing. Mine's finally subsided. hang in there hon.
Hey kid,Is this turning into Pneumonia?..
I don't want to be a downer,but I think you should be getting better,not worse.
Sleep sleep sleep- and drugs. Lots and lots of drugs.
Or do what my favorite bartender told me to do- a 1/2 bottle of warmed whiskey. Won't help, can't hurt, and will scare the shit out of your flu germs and they'll flee the scene... that's what my Dr. Bartender told me! Take care!!!!!
Get thee to a medical professional woman- like NOW!
Hey all -- thanks so much for the good thoughts and wishes. My head is still in a fog, I sound once again like Lauren rather than Harvey, and am trying to catch up after missing 3 days from work. (I nearly stayed home today as well, but 5 days in PJs was making me stir crazy.) I'll be catching up at your sites -- I didn't even go anywhere in cyberspace the last few days, ha! I haven't been that sick in quite a while; it was a real bitch. Hope all you others out there battling bugs are starting to climb out of it as well. Hugs.
Oh good, you feel better. Excellent. For the record, seeing you in your PJ's made me stir crazy too. (wacka wacka wacka)
the last time i felt like that i had double pneumonia and was in the hospital for two weeks. Let me tell you... with a bill of $22k, i could have taken a much better vaction then in that hospital bed...and all because I kept thinking I would get better. Go to the doc and then plan a vaction with the cash you will save!
I hope the mending continues.
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