Do I Really Have To?
That's about where I'm at. It's bad, people. I'm trying to get my motivation up. I was really hoping it would be sunny today, that always gets me revved up.
With all the fuckery of 2008, I either haven't had time, haven't given a damn, or have been busy coughing my lungs inside out. I know you all are sitting out there thinking, "Oh please, how bad could it be? I haven't done my dishes for three days! I know what you mean!"
Guys ... the Christmas tree is still up. Stockings, nutcrackers, everything. The dining room table looks like a hangerless closet on legs, with one of those German Christmas pyramids sticking up from the middle of it. I stopped noticing the pine garland on the curtain rod. It used to look so festive. The dog hair tumbleweeds look like guinea pigs running around. There are dead stems on the mantle that used to be flowers. I think.
So. I guess I should get up and get going. Instead of blogging about nothing. I even looked at YouTube videos today. I mean random ones, not searching for something in particular. I've watched the same stories on Headline News three times now.
I really ought to get started.
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UPDATE:
What the hell was I thinking back in December? Holy Tree Toppers, it was like Winter Friggin' Wonderland around this joint! I finally got all the Christmas decorations down. Yesterday I mentioned "the tree" -- I don't know how I got it in my head that "the tree" was the bulk of the Christmasery around here. The tree (which is currently naked and waiting for Teen Demon and Male Offspring to handle the lights and disassembly) was the least of the festive furor that was my house.
Every ornament is packed away, along with every other festive flourish. All the bulbs and ribbon curls hanging in the various windows. The lights strung up near the ceilings. The paper snowflakes, lovingly cut and hung in merry groupings. The velvet mantle cover and stockings. The pine scented candles. The battalion of nutcrackers. The Night Before Christmas book. Big velvet old-timey Santa who looks much classier than he sounds. The giant snowglobe, also much nicer than it sounds. The wooden tic tac toe board (Santas vs. Trees). All the things that have become our traditions since the offspring were wee tykes, with visions of sugarplums dancing in their heads.
Goodgod, people, I feel like I just performed a Yuletide exorcism on myself.
19 comments:
Ok, I am laughing...guinea pigs in disguise.....cowbell, the crap will be there tomorrow and tomorrow and then again the day after that. I watched Martha Wainwright on YouTube, the the kids next door have some posted, then Amy for the 7,000,000 time and then looked up my name on Google...the same shit that I was gonna do is still waiting. Why did you have kids? I had mine to be housekeepers....didn't you?
Rosemary: The problem is, my crap has been here for about 98 tomorrows, and the shit won't disappear by itself, dammit. Next thing you know, I'll be one of those sad "horder" stories on the news. And hell yes, I sure did have Male Offspring in housekeeping mode this morning. He did his room, which is a fair piece of work. He did the kitchen last night, carried and fetched heavy stuff for me, and picked up the fecal land mines the dogs left for him in the yard. He also motivated by blasting his music. As for Teen Demon, the child is never home, but she works too hard anydamnway. She probably puts in more hours than I do, plus school, Which is why her room is the worst spot in the house. I mean, I know teenagers' rooms are bad, but this ... Male Offspring didn't even want to venture in to open her window today. OK, back to the grind. (confession: there are cobwebs on the Christmas tree.)
It got so bad here this week that when I went to the boys' bathroom early one morning -- thinking it would be less disgusting than my own -- I found myself wondering if the nearby Texaco was open so I could use their john.
I guess I should be ashamed that even the kids were complaining about the messy house, but the upside is they were grossed out enough to help clean without complaint.
Good luck with your house. Just a little bit a day, you know?
Dust in the form of guinea pigs? What luck...pets you don't have to feed!
Hell just by those dust guinea pigs those little wheels and get them to generate power for the vacumn cleaner - nay that sounds like I'm trying to encourage this strange work ethic your developing!
Cobwebs on the Christmas Tree - sounds either like a C&W song or a new decorating motive that all the boys will want to try next year - don't you just love the way the lights shimmmer through the those silvery strands?
Isn't that what kids are for? Strike some sort of cleaning bargain with them... a little quid pro quo.
Like if they clean the entire house you'll let them get a tattoo or piercing or something.
I'm telling you... your house will sparkle.
Welcome to my world. And I am the only generator of mess. Ugh! I need to get some motivation going myself. Maybe someday, I'll see the surface of the kitchen table again. At this point it isn't cleaning, it's excavation.
KCB: Texaco, HA! Yeah, when the kids start mentioning it, it's bad. My bathroom was so bad last week, I cleaned the toilet, just because, well, the toilet has to be clean, and it looked like a shining paragon of porcelain in the midst of a funk fest.
Y|O|Y: Hmm, that's true. And they don't shit, either.
Willym: HA, you had me laughing with the Cobweb commentary. It could indeed be a country song. A sad and twangy one. And yes, in the right hands, it could make an intriguing and unique decorating motif.
ET: Teen Demon is now 18, so is making the requisite noise about how she doesn't need permission, and she's thinking a belly piercing is just what she needs in the way of college preparation. THat's actually a post in and of itself. The son, well, I'm still doing damage control from the time he had a conversation with Evil-G, who regaled him with tales of his own mother plying him with a Gin & Tonic at 14 in order to elist his help with a monster Xmas tree. (Thanks, Tony. Luv ya. Yeah.)
Evil-G: First, see above. Second, you nailed it with the "excavation" bit. That's what's going on here as well. I was actually surprised to see that the red Xmas tablecloth was still there on the table. Who knew?
This is why I don't decorate for Christmas. Well one of the reasons anyway...
Woo Hoo!..
Now you can put up those St.Patrick's day decorations!
See, if you'd leave up the tree all year you wouldn't have to deal with this.
During WWII my mom and Aunt Mary left the Christmas tree up until June, so that when their brother, My Uncle John, came home on leave, they could celebrate the holidays.
Needless to say, it had no needles ad was just a stick with lights.
Don't sweat it honey. Cleaning is not a priority for you.
Holy Garland! You were possessed, cowbell.
Whim: If it wasn't for the kids...
Sling: That would be a negative. Unless green beer counts.
"Anonymous": Please. Like I couldn't figure out who you are with a comment like that. You're probably still having Bernard the Elf fantasies.
RG: Hmm, that must've made for a very festive summer. And what do you mean "cleaning is not a priority for me"? You think you know me? Fine.
Rosemary: Yeah. I even broke the belt on the vacuum cleaner. I can only take so much.
Cowbell: You JUST took down your Xmas shit. Give it up - you know I'm telling the truth.
god but you're a pain in the ass. good thing you're amusing.
At least you didn't pass the half way mark in July for just leaving them up. My neighbor leaves his outside decorations up all year. Nothing says festive like drooping Christmas lights on the eaves all year long. Gives those dust critters a good thrashin.
Cowbell: I know and you forgot cute.
My Xmas decorations have dwindled down to 1) a wreath that is either thrown away (if fresh) or stored sometime in February and a couple of stockings that are taken down just before the cleaning service's first January visit. I get enough holiday spirit at my sister's place (and am usually recruited to help take it all down on the 26th, so don't need to put myself through all that when I return home on the 28th each year).
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