Pride Profiles, Bohemian Style

The Bohemian is doing a Pride Profiles series on her blog. For those of you who somehow missed the incessant, shameless bragging about the Offspring up in this joint, The Radical Bohemian is my eldest daughter, just finished her junior year at Howard University and currently working as an intern for NPR. She's a music major, kickass on the piano and her own vocal pipes, an activist, organizer, professional protester, world traveler, non-revisionist history buff, an artist, a reader, a lover of puppies, and general all around badass.

Anyway, I'm really liking her series, and thought you all might too, even if you're not as biased as I am. Which is pretty blatantly biased.

Here are her first two profiles:

Gladys Bentley

Dr. Sara Josephine Baker

Click, learn, enjoy.

Tennessee Principal Outs Gay Students

I woke up this morning to find this news. High school principal Daphne Beasley, Memphis TN, was tired of all the PDA happening on school grounds. (That's Public Display of Affection, for those not living with a middle/high school student. Or those of you who've escaped military influence.)

Ms. Beasley was none too pleased with the excessive PDA occurring within the vaunted halls of Hollis F. Price Middle College High School. (Middle College High School? What the hell does that even mean?) Ms. Beasley decided to take the public watchdog and humiliation route to address these nefarious goings-on. She asked her staff for the names of all student couples, in order to compile a list. All the better to keep an eye on the eager little darlings, my dear.

Problem is, she posted the list. Publicly. Teachers, students, custodial staff, la-dee-da-dee everybody could see who was joined in lunchroom liplocks. But wait, there's more! She'd also specified to the staff that she wanted both hetero and homosexual couples named, which means, of course, that The List outed some gay students.

In a high school in Tennessee.

I'm sure that made for a wonderful learning environment for the outed students. The students say they are now being "treated differently" by students and teachers. I just bet they are.

And Ms. Beasley didn't stop there. Apparently she also called the mother of at least one of the gay students, an 11th grader who'd just made the dean's list, and outed him to Moms as well.

Now, I'm all for high school kids being open with their parents. I'm reasonably sure my kids would be able to tell me should they be any version of "not straight". The Bohemian, in fact, hasn't quite nailed down what she considers herself. Whatever. Labels schmabels. But we are a progressive household in the Seattle area. There are many out gay couples in my kids' high school. I would venture to say it's not as big of a deal here for those students who choose to come out. Not that those kids don't have to deal with ignorance and prejudice - of course they do - but there is a good deal of support in this area, should a student choose to come out at school.

I'm not foolish enough to think that every family or high school environment is going to be supportive for a young gay person. The parent in me thinks yes, I'd want the school to tell me what's going on with my child, but that may not be advisable or even safe in every situation. Did that principal stop to think about the consequences of her actions in calling those parents? Did she talk to the student beforehand? Did she think about the effects on his life? You don't know how those parents are going to react. That kid could end up getting his ass beat or being kicked out into the streets. Hey, it happens, it's not that far fetched. Even if not, coming out is a big deal. How these parents experience The Big Revelation will likely have an effect on their reaction to it. I'm betting that kid would've liked to have some control about how he came out to his parents, classmates and teachers.



This student was scheduled to go on a school trip to New Orleans to help rebuild houses. After the posting of The List, he was told by a teacher that he would no longer be going, due to the possibility he might "embarrass the school by engaging in gay affection."

Are you kidding me?

What this kid wanted to engage in was some public service, being a responsible and contributing member of society, caring about something bigger than himself, building community. You're going to tell a kid who just made the dean's list and who was going to rebuild houses in a place our own president has all but abandoned, that his services aren't necessary because he has a boyfriend?
So, according to this teacher, being gay is supposed to be the negative aspect in this young man's life? What effect are those words, that rejection, going to have on this young man, on this member of our society?

You know what? This kid is not "embarrassing", but Principal Beasley's actions are. That teacher's comments are. Shame on them.



I was talking to the offspring about this story. Okay, ranting. Whatever. Teen Demon made the point that it wasn't fair to any of the kids, gay or straight. She said in her school there are kids from traditional Asian families who are not allowed to date, even in the upper grades. If those students were "outed" to their families, it could be disastrous for some of them.

Again, I'm not advocating teenagers keeping major secrets from their families, but hey, things aren't always how we wish they were. In the example Teen Demon brought up, say you've got a good student, a 17-year-old kid who has a boyfriend -- one whom she basically sees only at school -- and this kid gets "outed" simply by virtue of being "part of a couple", whether she has engaged in PDA or not, because some principal put her on a list ... that doesn't seem right.

Male Offspring wondered about kids who may be falsely identified as being part of a couple. What if the staff is wrong in their presumptions?

Seems to me that a little PDA is part of high school life. Come on, did Ms. Beasley never swap saliva by the gym lockers? Yes, there are limits, and yes, students should practice at least a minimal level of decorum. We're talking affection, not pop, lock, and dropping. If things get to that point, seems to me it still could've been handled in a more constructive way.

Seems to me the decision to come out is a personal decision, not one for the schools.

Come Rock Out With Me

Some of you feared I had met some unfortunate end. Most of you - generous, kindly souls that you are - assumed I've actually been engaging in something called "having a life".

Well, I wouldn't exactly go that far. It's not like I've been getting laid or anything.

Things have just suddenly gotten insanely busy. Deadlines at work. Pretty insane there. But mostly my advocacy group has pretty much exploded into activity. Too much to write about, but suffice it to say we're getting a taste of some minor fame. Not fortune though. Damn. Interest from the state superintendent (I got to be on a conference call w/ her), upcoming presentation to one of the WA state House committees, 2 upcoming award ceremonies and rumors of a third, requests from surrounding school boards, even an invitation to co-sponsor some community forums with established ("real") community organizations. Which will mean our name on flyers and posters, and more connections. Pretty cool. Best of all, though, all that means people are listening, which means better things in store for the kids.

So yeah. Either we're friggin' geniuses and the Obama campaign should snap us up and start paying us the big money, or, more likely, there is an incredible heretofore unmet need for what we're doing.

Yeah. The latter. I know.

Anyway, I've been breathing this stuff lately, so I'm not writing more about that. And I'm feeling the brevity tonight, people. Shocking, I know. So, in keeping with that rare event, here are a few bullets from the last few weeks of my life:


--- My gutter was finally felled by the heavy, wet issue of a freak snowstorm, trapping my car in the garage. We tried to cut it down with a branch trimmer, but couldn't get the leverage. Male Offspring wrenched it out of the way so I could get the car out. Our house looks like an ad for that "You might be a redneck if..." deal. I haven't had time to research finding someone to fix it who won't rip me off.

--- The Bohemian is considering becoming a drag king.

--- The first issue of my group's joint newsletter with the district will be coming out in May. You should've seen all the editing going back and forth on that venture, let me tell you. Our side had to go out for margaritas after final approval. It's going out to all district parents as an insert in individual schools' newsletters. Shit, meet fan.

--- Teen Demon broke up with her boyfriend. A couple of months ago.

--- My house looks like shit.

--- OK, I was up late computering into the wee hours one night, TV mindlessly blaring in the background. The Bodyguard came on, you know, with Kevin Costner and Whitney Houston? I know. It was either that, religious shows, or FOX. Anyway, something weird happened: Kevin Costner seemed so goddamned appealing to me. WTF? Seriously, not a Kevin Costner fan, here. I mean, I don't hate him, but just ... meh. So what the hell? I finally figured it out. It was the whole superman thing. Whitney did not have to worry about one goddamn thing with Kev around. The man took care of business. Didn't make a big deal about it, just took care of business. He had Whitney's back. Was prepared for every possible contingency. That's hot. I have too much shit going on. You can bet Whitney's gutter wouldn't stay wrenched over onto her porch, looking like hicksville. Not with the Bodyguard on the job. Hell no.

Anyway, that freaked me out. Kevin Costner now, people. Weird.



--- Teen Demon cleaned her room. I may post pictures. You have no idea how huge that is.

--- Male Offspring is becoming a Guitar God, thanks to Guitar Hero. I suck ass at it. It's a weird society we live in, when you're working away out in the living room and you get a text message from your son. Who's in the next room. Playing with a toy guitar. "Come rock out with me." I think that might be Teenspeak for "I sorta like, love you, Mom, I guess." He also kicked my ass at Guitar Hero. I don't actually "rock out", per se. It's more like a frenzied plinking.

--- Teen Demon's prom dress arrived today. She tried it on, complete with accompanying jewelry. She looked stunning. Like she walked out of some 1940s movie. Her girlfriends got dresses the same day. They haven't settled on dates yet.

Me: You girls could just all go together -- you've done that before, you always have so much fun doing that.

TD: (looking down at the dress) Yeah right! A date is an accessory that this dress needs.

--- I had to file a tax extension.

--- The Bohemian made it into the Chicago Tribune. For protesting the IRS. They quoted her full name, the fact that her mother, a former soldier, was fully supportive of her protesting the war in Iraq, and that she was even wearing her mom's Army pants. Fuck. If my broke ass gets audited, I'll grow a long arm and choke that child.

--- I'm dangerously close to bitchslapping Hillary for her antics. I'm seriously getting sick of it.

--- An old army buddy we hadn't seen since Male Offspring was 6 months old came to visit another old army buddy whom we hadn't seen since before Male Offspring existed, and who, it turns out, lives less than an hour north of me. We all had dinner together the night of the freak snowstorm. They live in a tiny Georgia town. They brought their 3 kids, only 1 of whom existed last I saw them. The kids had never before been on an airplane. It was great to see them, but very weird.

--- I am way too fucking young to be saying shit like, "It's been almost 20 years since I saw Albert," Aren't I? That's the kind of shit my parents say. Fuck.


So anyway, that's a snapshot. OK, fine, it's not brief overall, but considering that normally I could drag any one of those tidbits into a fullblown rambling post, I think it's pretty goddamned impressive. OK. I think I'm going to bed "early" for once, though.

Sleep is for Pansies

I keep thinking I'm going to have time to update. Also, monkeys could fly out of my ass. So here's the quick and dirty run down. Probably more dirty than quick. (No, RG, it does not involve a lascivious tryst.)

Things with my advocacy group are snowballing -- so much so that I will not be using the name of the group in this blog, lest my secret identity be outed to the locals who've been asking the Googles about us. Not just the locals, actually, as we're garnering notice in ever widening circles. Apparently our work has been creating a buzz in the surrounding school districts. This was news to us. Anyway, it's like these lines we've cast out are suddenly all being reeled in at once. Exciting, but tiring.

So we got invited to present at the county N@@CP meeting, which surprised us, but not as much as the invitation to have dinner beforehand with Dr. NameWithheld (Googlers), one of the state superintendents, and the keynote speaker. Best come up with another PowerPoint, wheee.

Every surrounding school district had sent their brass to the meeting. (You could pick most of them out ... the white guys in suits.) We got a lot of positive comments afterward, even from the aforementioned brass, so I'm hopeful about that.

Before the meeting ended, the governor's appointee to the State Commission on Hisp@nic Affairs took the microphone and said, "Ladies get ready for your phone to start ringing, because I will be using you as model ... at the state level,"

What?

Dr. NameWithheld spent a lot of time talking with us at dinner and after the meeting, gave us a lot of good insights, and said he would also be using us a model.

Not long afterward, he called our superintendent to "congratulate him on the wonderful work" happening in our district. Our super was apparently quite "honored" to be working with us. I just bet he was, with Dr. NameWithheld on the line!

Also, we later received an invitation from him to apply for a state committee working to set standards for alternative assessments to the W@SL. That is the statewide standardized test, now required to graduate, put in place and driven by our boy GeeDubya's No Child Left Behind act, so you can imagine how effective and beloved it is. Anyway, there are all kinds of issues there, but it's really important that there be people on the committee representing the perspective of diverse students.

So, two of us applied, and will be in Olympia most of next week at the invitation of Dr. NameWithheld. The second-best part? There is an honorarium, a decent one, plus all expenses, so for the first time I'll be paid in dollars as well as the intangible payoffs for doing this work. (Also makes it worth using the vacation days.)

One thing I'm really excited about is that we are working with our district, surrounding districts, and community organizations to bring this to our county for the first time ever.

Anyway, the group has been taking up so much of our time, but we're making contacts and things are really starting to grow.



Also, tomorrow is Caucus Day. No, I have not moved to Pennsylvania, tomorrow is the day that WA state Dem delegates will continue the process of moving Barack Obama into the White House. No, I'm not being presumptuous -- Sen. Obama took every single county in the state, so WA's role will indeed be assisting him to that end.

I've made a decision the past couple of weeks though; I'm not going to be gunning for a slot at the National Convention. I'd been committed to fundraising and shameless self promotion, anything to be part of that history, but I've had to rethink things. As a good friend said recently, there are millions of people across the country helping Sen. Obama, but only four of us steering this advocacy group, and it's really starting to take hold. The students in our district need this work, and there aren't millions out there volunteering for them or sending in huge amounts of fundage, I'll tell you that right now.

But you know, Barack Obama himself feels very strongly about community organizing, and his history of community work is one reason I believe so strongly in him. So, tomorrow's the end of the glory road.



Also, Male Offspring and Teen Demon purchased Guitar Hero, so my house is filled with the strains of "rocking out". A far cry from the days of the Bohemian's Chopin filling the house, but hey, I'm flexible. Slow Ride is my song. I'm pretty sure it's the easiest one. Even so, my rockometer sometimes dips into the red. The other night we had nine teenagers in the house "rocking out" and watching teen movies. Yes, actually, Teen Demon did clean her room for the first time in over a year so that she can have people over. It took many days, but she did it. Don't worry, I have before pics. Anyway, every mother loves quality time with her kids, right, but while phrase, "Hey, why don't you come rock out with me for a while?" may be music to my ears, my attempts on the "guitar" are not.


So, between the group, home, Guitar Hero, and the end of the fiscal year at work fast approaching, things are feeling as though they're bordering on the insane, not to mention a bit out of control. It's a good kind of out of control, though.

It's like my life has two modes of operation:
Mode 1) Ain't Shit Going On
Mode 2) I Need a Clone
I am currently in Mode 2.*


So next week I'll be in Olympia. Not sure what the WiFi situation will be. Also, I will be operating via The Brick, my ancient laptop, rather than Teen Demon's speedy machine of several tech generations later, so who knows how that will go. It's got one of those removable external WiFi cards. I'm surprised I don't have to carry a modem for the damned thing.

Time to grab three hours of sleep before the alarm goes off. I'm going to need an IV caffeine drip.


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*Disclaimer: Issues with This Old Motherfucking House can crop up in either mode. Ain't Shit Going On refers to the social and professional aspects of my life, and trust me, TOMFH can pop up with an exploding oven while I'm experiencing a dearth of activity in social and professional arenas.

Dance of the Sugar Plum Lesbians

If you haven't already discovered it, you simply must click on over to Joe.My.God's site, and read Dance of the Sugar Plum Lesbians. It's wonderful and sweet and a better holiday story than most of the fluffy new Christmas specials flooding the TV these days.

(Sharpie drawing by the Radical Bohemian, aka the eldest daughter)

I read Dance of the Sugar Plum Lesbians last year, not long after I started blogging. It made me smile, it made me teary -eyed. It has a magical feeling, and Joe's writing, the pulse and life of the station, draws the reader in, like a little kid hearing the story of Santa.

Willym mentioned it on his site recently, and I remembered it immediately from last year. This is the first "annual tradition" that I personally have experienced in the blogosphere, and is absolutely the perfect story to mark that time in my mind.

I love this story.

Giving Thanks

I imagine most of you are basting your turkeys or sweetening your yams. Oh, get your minds out of the gutter, I'm talking about dinner preparations, you freaks. Such a naughty bunch.

I'm watching football.

We're actually going to do our Big Meal on Friday. (A small strike back at government-mandated holidays) Teen Demon and the Male Offspring were invited to their significant others' houses today, and the Bohemian's throat will have an extra day to heal before the gluttony. Plus, it's not easy to put on a big meal Thursday if you work. Braving the grocery store mobs Wednesday night after work? Screw that. I hate grocery shopping even under the best of circumstances.  Add mob mentality, and I'm out of there. And then there's cleaning the house; when do you fit that in? I'm actually surprised more people don't do it on Friday. Probably better for travel arrangements as well.

Teen Demon isn't crazy about doing the extended family thing with Boyfriend's family, but she's putting on her game face. A few of them try to corner her on the religion thing every once in a while.  She's not down with that. Male Offspring was excited because Girlfriend's stepdad was thrilled to have a guy to watch the games with. Various uncles will be arriving later in the day as well.

It was a bit heartbreaking, watching his face light up at the prospect of watching the game "with the guys". I gave him a hug, seeing that bit of Little Boy shining through his teenage face, and he said, "It's not like my own dad watches the games with me, but whatever". I told him his dad would if he were here, to which he just rolled his eyes. Well, at least his mom is a football freak, so we do watch the game together every week. But multiple games with the guys, shoot, I'm envious, and I don't even have a penis. Anyway, we're doing our big dinner tomorrow, and it works out well for the son. I hope he has fun.

We did a big breakfast this morning and watched the Lions v. the Packers. I was rooting for the Lions (sorry, Lex) but the Packers won.

The Bohemian is improving - she's eating, her lymph nodes are receding, her throat is looking more normal every day. She's still very fatigued, but her humor is intact, she's resting, and she's going to be fine. I'm very thankful for that, and I'm thankful she was able to come home.

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I'm always conflicted about this particular holiday. On the one hand, I should take time more often to really be thankful. Even when we feel our lives are shit, there are things to be thankful for. It's good to be reminded of that. Life gets in the way, things get busy, and I often think about what's gone wrong, my worries and stresses, where my life should be as compared to where it is. It's good to have a time where I'm reminded to consciously stop and reflect on those things for which I am thankful. That's a good thing.

On the other hand, the actual holiday on which this happens represents something very different for those people who were already here when the rest of our forebears immigrated. Being purposely thankful is good, and I need to do that more often, but celebrating this particular day and the history behind it ... I don't feel so good about that. I wish there were a different event or concept tied to celebrating thankfulness, rather than a skewed history, prettied up and neatly presented in textbooks and children's plays.

A construction paper pilgrim's hat, a feather paired with a few stripes of paint across a small face, people clap and smile as diminutive of pilgrims and Indians kindly help each other and give thanks together ... except that's not the whole story. It's very painful for many across this country to see this version so celebrated and honored.

And most of us ignore it and get on with our meal.

However, regardless of how one might personally feel about this holiday, the fact remains that this weekend is a four-day holiday, and we don't get to pick and choose when those come along. Grown children can return home. It's actually possible to take time out from life to visit and connect with friends and family. So we do. And yes, I'm thankful that we each have time off from our various jobs, schools, schedules, and are healthy and able to gather and be thankful for each other.

(And thus I rationalize, and get on with my meal.)

It would be nice if each worker could individually choose which 11 holidays to honor each year. Maybe there would be more actual honoring of history and people that truly have meaning for us, rather than just another day off work.

Anyway.

So tomorrow I get my domesticity on. Bring on the gluttony. To all of you turkey basters out there, enjoy your family, your friends, your turkeys, your football games, your connections over this weekend. I'm thankful for you guys, too.

Angela Davis to Speak in Seattle

You heard right - Angela Davis is coming to Seattle. She'll be presenting Prisons and American History: The Prison Industrial Complex, at the Mount Zion Baptist Church, Thursday, November 15, at 7 pm.

I had another meeting scheduled that night, but you know where I'll be. Yeah, it takes a lot to get me into a church these days, but I will be there next Thursday.

...was that thunder?

Her lecture is part of the Bush School's ongoing Diversity Speakers Series for this year. (Named for Helen Taylor Bush, not G.W.) I was impressed as hell by that. They're a private school, and apparently are really making strides in the diversity department. Check out some of those speakers. That is a nice series! Wish our district had the funding and the consciousness to bring about a series like this. That doesn't just happen by accident, though - somebody's been doing some work over there. It is very inspirational to me, with the work I'm doing in our parents group.

It's important to me that Teen Demon and the Male Offspring have this opportunity to hear Angela Davis speak. Hearing about her experiences and insights first-hand is something they can't get from reading a history book. (Definitely not from the history books in their classrooms.) There was a lot more going on in the 60's than just the flower power movement, and she is a huge part of history.

So come next Thursday, if you hear a huge crack of thunder, and the sky lights up, you'll know that Cowbell crossed the church threshold. Maybe it won't count since it's not an actual religious event.

Here's a little closing thought for you,

When Bush says democracy, I often wonder what he's referring to.
~Angela Davis

"But It's 2007!"

It seems ignorant comments are not just confined to my son's history class.
(Read "Yes, Virginia, People Still Do Say That Shit", if you haven't yet.)

So this is a list of local situations that I've seen personally in 2007, in case anyone still is clinging to the notion that racism is over.

Male Offspring, while fully expected to excel at sports, did not receive the IB* application packet when the other kids did. This despite the fact that he took sophomore math and honors science in the 8th grade. Despite the fact that both sisters are/will be succesful IB diploma graduates.

(*IB = International Baccalaureate, an international honors program.)

No one could tell me why. Something in the IB coordinator's "Sorry about that, but the deadline has passed now ... he can try next year, though," gave me the feeling they just wanted me to quit asking.

Next year? Excuse me? He's supposed to jump into this program after missing the first year? And then you'll wonder why he's not successful? No. Fuck that. Fuck you. He earned his place same as those other kids, he's going in this year.

Thank goodness for his counselor. We got him in through the back door. He'll have his shot.

But I've learned that it is part of my privilege that I am listened to and often see results when I go to address an issue at the school, and that I even have that expectation. (Often there is visible relief when I show up to deal with a situation.  "Oh!  So ... YOU'RE Male Offspring's mother!  Okay!  Sooo nice to meet you!") Many, many parents of color I've spoken with do not experience the same results when they address things. In this case, the parents of color I talked with said they didn't even know about the IB application, let alone the deadline.  This says something about who receives information. And who doesn't. If it weren't for the fact that I'd already fought to get my girls into the program, I wouldn't have known that this opportunity existed for Male Offspring.

They are usually the only Black students in their IB classes. And I had to fight for that.


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There is an African American girl in Teen Demon's class who is the personification of school spirit. She is student body president, is involved in school clubs, and one of the few Black kids in IB. Her grades started to slip; she was stretched too thin with all her activities. She was told to consider moving to regular classes. That's a message about the expectations for her.

Another girl, a White girl, actually wanted to drop IB. School was not her biggest priority, she wasn't involved in clubs, sports, or activities. She actively attempted to move to regular classes. Not only was she encouraged to stick with it, they did not allow her to drop out.  Let me say that again:  they did not allow her to drop out. She eventually did, but those adults had expectations of her; they fought for her, they encouraged her, despite the fact that she wasn't even interested in the program.

The first young lady was not encouraged. They did not fight for her. In fact, she was told maybe IB "wasn't the place for her," even though she had three years of that program under her belt, even though she contributes to the school in many ways. There were expectations for her as well.  Fortunately, she is not living down to those expectations.

Same school, same program, same teachers and administrators.  So even being class president isn't enough to overcome the disparity in treatment and in expectations here.  What the hell, people?


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The Radical Bohemian somehow got marked in the school's records as "White". This means her grades - excellent - were being credited to the White category as far as school performance. This pissed us off, as she was one of only two Black students in the IB program for her year, and now her performance was being credited as a White kid. I asked both the school and the district how that had happened.

Apparently, when we moved here, there was no provision for bi/multiracial students. You checked one box, and one only. So she didn't check any. (These days she just checks Black) Well, it turns out that,

Caucasian is the default.

What? I'm sorry, did you actually just say "Caucasian is the default"? No shit, we knew that; I just didn't know it applied to my daughter's school records as well as to life in general. I was told by a different person:

Oh, she's such a good student. Since you didn't check a category, someone probably looked at her grades and her WASL scores, and made a judgement call.

Are you fucking kidding me? So ... let's see if I've got this straight:  good grades + good standardized test scores + IB program = Caucasian kid? I don't think so. Unconscious bias, anyone?


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A Latina student was asked in Spanish class last week, where her family was from. She'd been taught her family history and Chicano history since she was a little girl. She is also shy, not one for speaking up. This though, was one area she knew, and she confidently told the teacher her grandparents were from the northern part of Mexico. The teacher looked at her name again and replied, smiling,

No -- Spain! Look at your name. Your family must be from Spain.

then she turned to the class and said,

Do you know why I say that? Because _________ is fair-skinned, and her last name is Spanish. Mexicans have the influence of the Indians, so many of them are dark-skinned.

All the kids in the class turned to look at this young lady. Surprise.

Are you kidding me? How arrogant. This teacher, who, by the way, speaks the most awful, gringoized Spanish I've ever heard, has the audacity to correct this child about where her family comes from, AND throw in some fucked up racist incorrect shit on top of it?

That young lady later said she felt stupid in front of her class. Like she didn't even know her own history. How do you undo that feeling?

My son has the same teacher. He says she has asked other students with last names like Garcia and Sanchez, why they are in her class. "Why don't you already speak Spanish?"  What?  Look, lady, do you speak Swedish?  No?  Why the hell not?  Explain yourself.

This is the most qualified individual the district could find to teach Spanish? You seriously expect me to believe there was not a more qualified native speaker who could teach Spanish? And you think there's not been a need for affirmative action?

In fact, I'd suggest that this one local situation is a great example of how our system has included automatic affirmative action for Whites since before we even became a country. In addition to being ignorant about her field of study, this teacher (whom Teen Demon also had for two years) is not even an effective instructor in her field. But she's the one they hired, she's the one who gets to teach the Spanish language to kids in this school. Hello, people, the White kids lose out too, in situations like that. That means your kids too, they're getting fucked up, substandard information in classrooms like this, all across the country.

Is it any wonder US folks in general are abysmal at speaking other languages?


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This same student, last spring, went on a field trip to the UW. Her mother put the trip together on her own, after finding out that the colleges only recruited from honors classes, and that a whole group of Latino kids had never been exposed to a college campus. The girl was fired up after the trip. This shy young lady got her nerve up and actually asked the school club administrator how to go about setting up a Latino Students Club. The advisor told her this:

I'm not sure that's such a good idea. It's not inclusive, you know? I mean, what if a White student wanted to start a White supremacist group here on campus? How would that make you feel?

Really? Are you fucking kidding me? An adult in this school actually compared a Latino Student Club to a White supremacist group. A hate group. What message does that send this student about the value of her culture? What does that say about the level of awareness we accept from the people in positions power? And why was this person permitted to take that action which is against the school handbook/policies on starting up student clubs? We can have a prayer group and a Young Republicans club, but not a Latino Club?

So between those two incidents with this particular student, what do you think the chances are that she, with her already shy personality, will take another chance on speaking up? What is the lasting impact on her? And without that club she wanted to start, what are the chances that she'll even find any support or understanding in the school?

(She did, eventually start the club. She had to fight for it, she had to bring in allies, but it's there now. It is very popular, and the young lady is coming into her own through the business of running it.  She's winning.)


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An individual in a high position in my area took a group of her (White) staff to the Central District of Seattle in order for them to "learn what it's like to be a minority". I'm serious. So they trooped in for a meal, and now, apparently, they understand what it's like for, say, a student of color to be the only one sitting in a White classroom. Really. That hour is somehow equivalent to living a lifetime with a constant awareness of your environment behind the history of being Black in this country? That must've been one hell of a meal.

Oh, and they also, apparently, have increased their cultural understanding with collard greens!

This was relayed to a group of Black women and a Latino man in that well-intentioned way that suggests the person expects approval or even accolades for her actions. Or a cookie. The person relaying the story did not pick up on the reactions of the group. She truly thought she had done a good thing, and that she's ready for diversity work now.

More harm than good here, people.  This lady and her cohort may conclude that since they were fine on their dinner outing, a Black kid in a White classroom should be similarly fine. If he's not fine, they may see it as his fault, because after all, they managed when they were the "minority". For an hour. They may be even less willing to listen to voices of people who do live this stuff every day, because now they "know from experience".

Sigh.

So now, how to deal with that person, and her staff, who are in positions to affect things for young people? Her good intentions have made the work even harder for those around her, and she has no idea.


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So yeah. These are just a few of the things I've personally seen or heard about, the kinds of things still happening in 2007. These are the things that well-intentioned people say and do. It happens a lot.  This is just a sampling.

And it wears a kid down after a while.

Yes, Virginia, People Do Still Say That Shit.

So here's what happened to my son in history class the other day. First off, preface this with the fact that my son is the only Black student in all of his IB* classes -- a fact he noticed the first day of school.

(*IB is the International Baccalaureate program -- a worldwide honors program. The US is pretty new to it. The number of US schools offering it is limited, but growing. I chose this particular district specifically for IB, as it was the closest I could get to the education the kids had been getting in Hungary. Students of color are underrepresented in IB, African American kids in particular.)

Okay, so Male Offspring is taking Non-Western IB History this year. (the non-Western part is something, at least.) Last Thursday, the teacher is giving the lesson about how human life originated in Africa, the migration of the peoples, yada-yada. One young lady raises her hand and says it makes sense that life would've begun there, as it's

warmer there, and stuff can probably grow better than in a cold place.

OK, she's getting her reasoning skills on. She continues with,

Plus, Black people have the really broad foreheads and noses. They look like monkeys, so it makes sense that they would've come first, since they're the ones closer to monkeys.

Oh, yes, she did.

And every child in that classroom turned to look at my son.

Because that's what happens when you are the only person of color in the classroom. At that moment, my son was not "Male Offspring", he was "the Black kid in class".

My son could not tell me what the teacher said in response. He said he was shocked, everyone was staring at him. He said the teacher looked stunned and didn't really know what to do. She did say something to the girl, but he couldn't tell me what.

He said all he could hear was noise in his ears.


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Now, I know there are a lot of folks living under the shiny illusion that this shit doesn't happen any more. People invariably respond with, "That's terrible! It's 2007!" Well, it happened in my kid's classroom last Thursday. If you're surprised by that, either your kid is White, or you don't live in this country.

I met with his teacher. Like you all didn't see that coming. A friend who works me in the parent group and who knows Male Offspring came with me.

We thought she was a student. No joke, people. This is her second year of teaching. She graduated from this very high school in 2001. She was like, soooo totally young! I had some assumptions and biases of my own, my first thought (besides "Holy shit, she's not a student?!) being "Oh, this little girl is not going to be able to handle this situation." I had to check myself, however, as we talked.

I had an idea about how to address what happened -- more about that in a minute -- but I wasn't sure how that was going to go. I can imagine if I were a teacher in her position, I might be nervous about meeting the parent. I might feel defensive or embarrassed. So I thought maybe she'd see any suggestions on my part as a judgement, as overstepping into her area.

She didn't.

I tried to get across how that felt for my son, the history behind that remark, the fact that he had no allies in that classroom who understood. Yes, other kids were shocked, thought it was wrong, but no one really understood. And no one spoke up.

I asked how she had initially responded to the young lady in question, and actually I think she did pretty well for being a new teacher caught off guard with such a loaded comment. Better than certain veteran teachers I know, that's for damn sure. Also, I should've said earlier that she did apologize to my son after class, and admitted to him that she hadn't quite known what to do.

I told her that SHE was my son's ally in that classroom, she has to be that for him, because every kid looked to her for direction on how that situation was going to go down. I told her I did not hold her accountable for what comes out of a student's mouth, but I do hold her accountable for addressing it. I fully expect her to have my son's back in that classroom.

I thought Miss Thang would get defensive or make excuses or gush about how she toootally understood. She didn't. Girl may be young, but she's sharp; I'll give her that. She looked me in the eye and said "Okay. That's my position, then." All right. She also said, "Obviously this student has missed some things we've been talking about in class. That says to me it's time to reteach."

It's time to reteach. Go on, girl.

I went into the meeting with 3 objectives:
1) I wanted the student to know her remark was inappropriate and hurtful, and I wanted her to get the correct information so she hopefully won't be spouting that shit again.
2) I wanted the other kids in the class to get the correct info, and to have an example of how to address comments like that.
3) Most important, I wanted my son to come away from this feeling empowered, not humiliated. I wanted him to know that he does not have to accept those statements, and I wanted his expectation to be that the adults in life will address that shit immediately.

Anyway, Miss Thang was on board with all of it, she wanted to learn how to be prepared for the next time. Which was a nice change. I told her my idea:

I wanted his class to see Race: the Power of an Illusion, a three-part PBS documentary.

Part I involves a high school science class in which the students do DNA swabs and blood pricks, then type their DNA. Before they get the results, they form hypotheses about whom they believe they'll be most closely linked to genetically.

Not surprisingly, they predict along racial/ethnic lines; the Black kids believe they will be the closest, genetically speaking, to other Black kids, the White kids predict they will be most like other Caucasian kids. Ditto for the Asian and Latino kids.

The results, of course, come back the opposite of what they'd thought: one African American young man finds he is genetically most similar to a blond, Russian classmate. A Caucasian student finds that in addition to having a 100% match with someone in the Balkans (which he expected, given his family history), he is also a 100% match for an African individual, which he did not expect. Another White student is most similar to an Asian girl in his class.

The film goes on to talk about race being a social construct, and the history behind that. It talks about the two migrations of people -- the first dying out, the second being modern humans. ALL of us. It covers how we all came about on the same timeline, that there are no separate species of humans, no lines from an earlier time, no group that is more/less advanced, and how any visual differences are a result of geographic adaptations after migration, not from genetic coding.

In other words, none of us are closer to monkeys than any of the rest of us.

Basically, it breaks it down in scientific terms that race has no biological basis; no gene, or group of genes, is common to a particular race. Race cannot be identified genetically. I was surprised to learn that there is twice the genetic variation between two penguins -- which, to my eye, look identical -- as there is between any two humans.




But ... past science did make a false connection between genes and race and intelligence, past science was used to purposefully construct the social aspects of race. In fact, the film covers how the Nazis actually had used US racial research to form their bullshit theories.

We all know how that turned out.

Here's the thing:

If a particular group of people can be shown, according to "scientific evidence", to be savage, to be less intelligent, less capable of self-governance -- closer to animals than your own group -- how much easier to justify taking their land and confining them to reservations? How much easier to rationalize enslaving those who are less than human? How much easier to convince ourselves that beating, lynching those who are "closer to monkeys" is necessary to keep them in line? That selling them as property is okay? How much easier is it to send those who are "inferior" to concentration camps? How much easier to justify Jim Crow laws, miscegenation laws, if some folks are shown to be closer to animals than others?

Pretty damned easy, according to history.



So the monkey comment, besides being incorrect and ignorant, has a whole shitload of history attached to it, even still, today. If you think the monkey comment was no big deal, that particular bit of history most likely does not apply to you and yours.

My son will remember that little girl opening her mouth and ignorance falling out, he will remember every eye in that room turning to him. He'll remember hearing nothing but white noise roaring in his ears while the teacher struggled to address it, struggled to find something to say to this girl.

Something that wouldn't humiliate her too much.

He will remember that time in 9th grade history class when his classmate said Black people look like monkeys. He'll remember how that felt. And he will be fully aware of the history behind that belief, enabling it to still be voiced in 2007.  He will also remember he has a voice.


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Afterward: (ha, look at me trying to play author and shit.)Miss Thang showed the film to all her classes. She had the kids write their ideas of race before the film. Afterwards they wrote how the film did or did not affect their views. She said it went well, that she was encouraged by some of the kids' papers.

She said she'd like to incorporate that film into her classes every year. She's going to bring it up to the science teachers, and try to put something together with them for later in the year.

And for the record, no, that is not the usual response.

I was impressed with Miss Thang, and yes, I checked myself on my own assumptions that I'd formed upon seeing her bouncy blonde ponytail and wide-eyed. perky smile. I learned a lesson too.

So, my son will not forget this experience, it will leave its mark; but he will also remember that the adults in his life dealt with that shit, and he'll be more prepared next time. He'll remember that his class learned that shit is not okay and not correct. And hopefully, he'll remember that a little change was made in his school as a result of addressing that ignorant remark.

The Underdogs Get a Bone

Well, well, well. So yesterday was our first "working meeting" with the district. They did sort of try to drive the bus, which we expected, but I have to say this for them -- they were very open to all of our suggested adjustments. I think they actually do realize that this is a growing issue in the district, and I'm pretty sure they had long been at the point of, "Oh shit, this isn't going away, it's getting worse and our methods aren't working ... what now?" They seem genuinely appreciative and respectful of our "expertise".

Hmm.

We're kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's almost too easy. However, we asked directly what kind of training/awareness they have, and I was happy to hear that all three of the ass't superintendents have been through the Undoing Racism training facilitated by the People's Institute out of New Orleans. That's encouraging. It's some pretty intense training on institutional racism. It is most likely a large part of the reason we're facing cooperation rather than opposition.

One of the assistant superintendents worked in Arlington, VA, and said there were some really dynamic parent groups there -- she seems really passionate about getting things going here, and glad to have our input. Another, whom I will be working with on Personnel, is more quiet, but she seems on board so far, as does the last guy.

Huh.


So they were all gung-ho about splitting up into the work teams. We said we feel it's important to talk about our understanding of the issues, where do they believe these problem stem from, what training have they had, what is their level of understanding. We also said we'd like to spend time discussing how institutional racism and privilege are affecting students as opposed to personal prejudices, so that we're operating from the same base.

Once they put it out that they'd been through the Undoing Racism training, I expected them to just say, oh, you can see we're up to speed, we're good as far as that goes, let's move on. But they didn't.

When we said we believed that training for them, for the group as a whole, was important before we could move on, they suggested setting an entire day set aside for that. Asked us what type of training we envisioned. Said they'd support bringing in facilitators. Asked us what we thought would be most effective. Said maybe it could be used as a model to train teachers, counselors and other personnel later, as an addition to Undoing Racism, as that is expensive, has limited capacity, and is only offered at certain times. (that and it doesn't sugar coat it ... we figure they want to start out more warm and fuzzy. Sigh.0

Huh.


Furthermore, they asked us if we'd be willing to give our presentation (ohgawdnotagain) at one of their regular administrators' meeting. This is ALL the administrators. All the principals, assistant principals, advisors, program managers from transportation, food service ... la-dee da-dee everybody. They said our presentation was so powerful that they want all their administrators to see it, so they will know where this work is coming from.

OK ...

We were all kind of looking at each other trying to communicate "Do you believe this shit?" to each other without being obvious. One of our members said that sounds very good, but we don't believe it would be effective to just bring our dog and pony show without the express support of the top level district -- you know, looking like a plea for support from the bottom that they can buy into or not. (One of the points in our presentation was that diversity efforts are currently decentralized; each principal has authority over his/her school -- we believe it has to come from the district for consistency, so that every student benefits, not just some) Their immediate response was absolutely, that's the purpose -- it will be presented so that everyone knows we are there at the request of and with the backing of the superintendent.

Huh.

So we agreed to do that. It will happen September 18th.

Teen Demon was there, and is going to work on a project to bring the Multicultural Clubs/Diversity Clubs from all 4 high schools together in some sort of event. She is also going to share the student survey that she helped do for her Multicultural Club, and get that implemented district wide. Watching her talk to these guys, you'd think she'd been doing this for years. This is going to be great experience for her.

Now we have to figure out what we want to see for the training day --- this is a tremendous opportunity to get this info where it needs to go: to the guys who hold the power. The gatekeepers. We did not expect to have that chance.


So we're going to run with it. The other shoe may be waiting to drop, for now, we're going to run with it. Who'da thought?

Maybe You Can Fight City Hall

Whew! I know I said I would update on my parent group's big Meeting With the District, but my life has been thrown a few curve balls the last couple of weeks. I feel like a goddamn outfielder. Blindfolded with no glove.

So, the meeting: the result was better than we had even hoped for. Our goal was for the district to hear our concerns and to work toward addressing them, our hope was that the district would agree to partner with us in some capacity in order to do that. We knew the partnering thing might be kind of a longshot. A representative from one of the community advocacy groups has been sitting on our meetings for support. She has been involved with parents in other districts who have tried similar things, and their districts have told them no, they don't need the parents' or communities' help. So we didn't know what to to expect. We thought maybe they'd throw us a bone and let us sit in on some board meetings, maybe take our info and say thanks, they'll take care of it and get back to us. We figured they would be defensive and bring out all the info on programs they've implemented, and why this shouldn't be a problem because they've done A, B, and C.

We worked really hard, starting out with stories from the families, and pulling from that a document covering what we believe to be the root causes of what our kids deal with. From there we came up with a presentation to bring before the district. We had prioritized all our issues and decided to focus on addressing the top three: Personnel (hiring, training), Discipline, and Expectations & Programs. Sounds simple, but it was a lot of work and emotion to get to that point.

They agreed to meet with us, as you read in the other post. The superintendent himself, and all three of his assistant superintendents, as well as others from the district. We had some support from a couple of community groups and also a representative from our city's new Diversity Commission. We were nervous, y'all. We're just parents, we've got no budget, we're not a non-profit, we don't get paid for our hours on this, we haven't had facilitator training or community organizer training. We work, some of us are single parents, and when it came down to being in a room facing this row of white faces with Ph.D's ... it was a little intimidating.

But we did it, and I think we did a really good job. The district was not defensive. They thanked us for coming, for bringing our expertise in this area. Said they realized there were problems, and they would like some help in how to go about addressing those problems. They agreed that the face of our district is changing, as far as the students, but it is staying lily-white as far as the teachers and administrators.

They agreed to work with us.

Not just "hey you can come to some meetings, thanks for these resources, we'll keep you updated," either. They agreed to form three teams to address this. Yes, I said three. One for each of our areas, so that the process wouldn't be too linear and drawn out, because nothing would get done that way. Wow! And, check this out: they agreed that this effort needs the backing of those actually in positions of power, so on their side, each team will be represented by a top level administrator. I'm talking the assistant superintendents themselves, y'all. Each of them will be on a workgroup. We will be the other parts of the workgroups. We said we believed the students themselves need to be involved, and they said yes to that as well. The workgroups will come together as a whole group periodically.

How 'bout them apples?

Hell yeah.

So we'll see. We're cautiously optimistic. One concern is that we all be operating from the same level of understanding. At the meeting, we brought up the issue of training -- it needs to be deep, ongoing, and across the board. Not some hour-long diversity training that you take once a year, makes everyone feel good, and checks off the institution's diversity requirement for that year. That's not good enough. And it's not good enough to send 2 or 3 people from a school to a deep useful training, and say we're done. What about the other 350 teachers, administrators, counselors at that school?

The sensitive issue will be their level of training -- they let us know at the meeting they themselves have had loads of training, they recognize the importance, yada yada. We'll see. I want to know their understanding of the issues. I want to know how they define institutional racism, white privilege, I want to hear their understanding of how that differs from personal prejudice, because it's a whole different thing. In order to be effective, we need to operate from a common base.

It's one thing for them to say "yes, there issues, yes we need to address them," but if our understanding of where those issues stem from is fundamentally different, then the process of coming to solutions will fall apart. As one of the parents put it,

It's about seeing the light, not just feeling the heat.

Bingo. We want to see the consciousness raised, not just compliance under pressure.

Another concern is they seem very much to want to take charge, so we're going to have to be mindful of how WE want to organize ourselves and the direction that we want to move. There are different ways of doing business, and as encouraged as I am by their positive response, we'll have to be mindful of being "guided" to where they want us and along their path. They, of course, are the experts with school administration, but we are the experts in this arena. We just have to remember that.

Anyway, it was a very positive result, and I'm really encouraged. It's more than we expected, that's for sure.

I was so proud of Teen Demon at the meeting! She "drove" the powerpoint for us, clicking the slides and all. After the presentation, she spoke up and told the superintendent about a survey that her Multicultural Club had done at her high school. The survey to was to find out how students of color feel about the school climate and where they fit into it. The superintendent said that sounded like a great idea, he'd be interested in seeing the results. At this point, Teen Demon could've just said, great, thanks and the meeting would've moved on, but she spoke up again and told him that she would like to see this survey implemented district-wide. She said she believes it's important for the administration to understand what the students themselves are feeling about their environment and their experiences, and that it's necessary to do that for the whole district, not just one school.

Go, baby! She was so confident, too. She told me she definitely wants to be on one of the work teams, and wants to start now. She friggin' rocks. She should run for President.

I am going to work on the Personnel work group. I kind of had to adjust my thinking on that; that was the section that I presented at the big meeting -- again with the "it's better for them to hear it from a white person" in that subject: if a white person says we need more teachers of color, it must be true, because they don't have an ulterior motive! It's not self-serving if they say it, they are just being objective! Whatever. I really hate that and it makes me very uncomfortable, but there it is. (And we could totally see the different reactions, too, both to my section and to my summary. Grrr.) Anyway, that was the section I presented, but I really didn't feel qualified to take on that workgroup, because it involves hiring as well as training, and I just felt that a white person meeting with different groups for recruiting purposes might be kind of off-putting. So I had volunteered to work with Expectations & Programs. I actually do have some experience with implementing programs when my kids were younger.

I ended up questioning that though, based on the reactions of the other 3 women I'm doing this with. I called one of them later and asked her to talk about her opinion on that. Turns out they believed that I should be doing Personnel, that it would set off fewer defensive reactions, that a white person insisting on changed hiring practices will be taken differently than a person of color saying we need more people of color. Well. Basically, "they're your people, honey, they'll work with your ass."

I really didn't feel all that comfortable with that assessment. But this work is not about my comfort level. It is not about me deciding what's best. I think that being an ally in this kind of work involves working with people of color and deferring to their judgement on things that they have a deeper understanding of than I do. I have a role in this work, but it is ultimately not "my" work, if that makes any kind of sense. White people as a whole (not all individuals, don't get your panties in a bunch) have been making choices and deciding "how things will work" for people of color since this country got started. Our comfort level (as a whole) has always come first. If we want to challenge how the power structure of our society supports that, we have to learn to work in different ways. So I needed to listen to my friends and trust their judgement of this, even though it kind of makes me squirm.

Again, I know I sound all soapboxy with this stuff sometimes. As I said in my last post about it, it's not like I woke up and decided to make this shit up. It's a result of having a unique "window" into this shit, via my children and the experiences of our family. How can I deny this shit, when I SEE the different reactions I get when I walk out of the house alone, when I walk out with my kids, and when I walked out with my Ex in the past? How can I deny it when I see the different reaction I get from the principal as compared to the reaction parents of color get? It is there, and no, you wont' see it often as a white person. Of course we don't see it, it doesn't happen to us. It is not our reality.

Damn, I started off just to tell about the results of the meeting, and I did go ahead and get up on that box again, didn't I? It's just that this stuff is real and it's important, and it's frustrating when people don't see it or believe it's there, or realize the impact it has on these young people.

OK, that's all. We meet with them today at three for our first big group meeting.

Taking on the Man

Okay y'all, wish me luck. Today is the big day when my fledgling parents' group meets with the school district superintendent and his minions. We've been working our asses off for this meeting. It's a grassroots group. It started off with a few of us sharing our stories, and realizing how many stories were out there, and how many "isolated incidents" were not isolated incidents at all, but a reflection of a systemic lack of awareness of the issues that students of color deal with every day. The more parents we spoke with, the more commonalities emerged.

Each parent thought it was "just them". In each case, the child was seen as the "issue". The commonalities were too blatant to ignore, though, and the kids are the ones internalizing this shit. It's amazing what's been going on with these kids! None of us knew the big picture until we started digging and talking to other parents, hearing their stories.

Anyway, it's been been me and three other women organizing this. This is on top of us all being single moms/aunt to teenagers and working. Yeah. Monday we put four hours in. Yesterday, three more. I spent the weekend doing a power point presentation. Last night I wrote the summary after the airport, got to bed about 0230, then got up to go with the son to freshman orientation at the high school.

Orientation -- please. I was expecting to get some actual information, but the "parents' activity" was coffee and muffins in the staff lounge. What? I don't have time for chatting over muffins, are you kidding me? Where's the friggin' information? I got pressured to sign up for the opening BBQ, some bake sale, some other fundraiser, some ticket selling thing -- hello, been there, done that, working single mom now, thank you. I don't have time to bake for my family, let alone some function. I also got hear about where so-and-so had bought her cute bag; how Sally was SO devastated about not making cheer, and she was better than that other girl anyway; how so-and-so misses her husband so much and doesn't know HOW she'll survive with him being gone for a week on business! She doesn't work. Please. You can't handle a week without your man and you don't even go to work? Buck up, honey, you'll live, I promise. I was out of there in five minutes.

I do digress. This was supposed to be a quickie. And you all know how good I am at brevity. (Stop the fake coughing JP, I see you.)

Anyway, today's the meeting, I ditched the orientation and am going over my summary. How I got stuck with the damn summary I have no idea. Well, yes I do. Let the white girl do it, she's less of a threat to white men in power, they'll listen to her. Which is sadly true. "If a white person notices racism, then it must actually be true, because they don't have 'ulterior motives' or a 'chip on their shoulders'."

It "goes down easier" coming from another white person; this has been documented. Which is ridiculous, because really, I'm not the one who has the innate understanding/experience to explain this shit. But, I've seen how it works: person of color starts a dialogue about his/her experience with racism; white person's sphincter immediately tightens, s/he goes on the defensive, secretly thinking that the PoC has "pulled the race card" and is "too sensitive"; white person either clams up and nods with a tight smile, or attempts to explain to the PoC why they have not actually experienced racism, they have in fact simply misunderstood, or been overly sensitive.

I really hate when white folks try to tell folks of color what racism is and isn't.

Okay, y'all, I know I'm on about this stuff a lot. I know some of you may be like,

Damn, Cowbell, lighten up, can't we all just get along? I never see this stuff going on. Pull the racism stick out of your ass and get back to writing about how your mom wants you to marry a preacher!

I know it sounds soapboxy to those who don't have to live with it or see it going on. I realize this.

You all think I just woke up one day and say, hey, I'm going to all of a sudden get a stick up my ass about racism and white privilege! That would be fun! No, it's not fun at all. What happened is that I see the effect on my kids, subtle and blatant. Particularly since my son has been hit with the puberty stick -- folks' perception of him has changed before my eyes, which breaks my heart and pisses me the fuck off. (He's good, he's kind, he's a kid for godssake, don't be scared of him, he's not going to steal your stupid greeting-card-store knick-knacks, bitch.) I see the bullshit in the media. I hear the comments. I see how it is subtly woven through our institutions. And when I talk to other parents, I hear stories worse than mine. Much worse.

My kids are kids of color, but the reality is that they are riding the coat tails of my white privilege. A teacher may make an assumption about my son, may send him out of the classroom while smiling at his white buddy who was also talking in class. To my son. When I show up to talk about it, the look of relief is plain to see, ("Oh, YOU'RE Mom! Whew!" Because I will "understand", I will not "be difficult".) On the phone, the administrators may not want to put my son in advanced classes, may not want to answer my questions about why I didn't receive the application packet in the mail. When I walk in though, when they see me, suddenly he is of the caliber to qualify for these classes.

Their perception of his home life, his support, his ability is suddenly different.

On the other hand, boy do they value his ass on the football field, the wrestling mat, the track. They are sending my son a message about where he is valued, where he is expected to excel.

My experience in the school principal's office is much different than the experience of my friends of color. Which is bullshit.

Goddamn but I do digress. Sorry.

Anyway, I'm doing the summary, in order to avoid the clenched-sphincter phenomenon brought on by "playing the race card." Well, these boys don't know it, but I'm about to pull the white card on their asses. I am going to connect with them on their level. I am going to talk about how, as white people, we are not born with an awareness of this. I was not born knowing about this. I floated along for years, blissfully unaware of what other people were living every day. I had to learn it. It was my responsibility to learn about it, in order to effectively parent my children. And the district has that same responsibility to educate themselves, because our children are their students. It's their school too, and they deserve to be appreciated and valued for who they are, not for how effectively they can assimilate into the dominant culture to avoid problems. Not for how well they learn to suppress that shit.

Anyway, they think they can "relate" better to me, okay, I'm expecting something from them. So we'll see how it goes. It's been a lot of work, and the damn overhead projector had best be working right.

[Climbs down off soapbox.] I really do suck at brevity, don't I?

The Visible Vote

If you all are on your computers reading my crap instead of watching The Visible Vote on LOGO, get thee to a television. (words I never thought I'd have occasion to utter.) Democratic candidates addressing LGBT issues directly, live. More later...

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OK, I have to say, I just loved listening to Dennis Kucinich. I have no idea why they didn't have his (hot!) wife on the stage, but hey, whatever. I mean, OK, he sounded kind of hippie new-age in a few spots: (and I may not get the verbiage word for word, so cut me some slack)

I see the Equality sign here. I've got the same sign up in my office, in Washington DC. Now imagine that sign, encased ... in a heart. (draws a heart shape in the air)

He went on to talk about the power of love. Later, he spoke so passionately and sincerely about love, and also the depth of love he feels for his wife, and how devastated he would be if they were not legally able to marry. He went on to talk about how important GLBT rights are to him -- spoke for some time about it, and damn did this man sound so sincere. He did not sound like a politician, he sounded like a guy just talking about what's important to him. I mean, you could practically feel his belief in these issues coming through the screen. I got teary eyed. I clapped alone in my living room when the man was done.

-sigh-

I know he's too much of a left-wing hippie boy to get elected. And personally, I am not convinced he would actually be the best man for president on all the issues. The president will need to fix this global mess we're in, and need to be really strong and experienced on international issues. (Thanks, Dubya.) But damn. He sure would be the best man for the job on the issues affecting the gay community. And for healthcare.

------------------------------------------

OK, Bill Richardson just blew it:

Melissa Etheridge: Governor, do you think being gay is biological, or is it a choice?
Bill Richardson: It's a choice.

ME: I'm not sure if you understand the question; do you think we are born this way, or around 7th grade, we just decide, 'oh, I wanna be gay',"

BR: (looking pained) Well, I'm not a scientist .... ... I don't like to answer definitions like that that are perhaps grounded in science or something I don't understand.

Oops.

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Doh! Melissa just called Hillary out.

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OK, I did not mean for this to turn into some kind of review thing, I basically just wanted to remind everybody to watch, because I meant to do that earlier today.

I liked Obama, because I like Obama, although I do wish he would step forward about the marriage thing. I see what he's trying to say about how marriage should be completely separate from the state anyway, but still. It isn't.

I actually liked some things Edwards said, more so than I usually do, even though he's not my man. He came out pretty strong in support of separation of church & state. He seemed a little ... trying too hard to convince on some things. A little hokey at times.

Gravel ... y'all that man is just a trip. Weird. He just leaves me scratching my head. Watch him for the entertainment value, if nothing else.

Clinton, well, she's not perfect, but I have to say, I am impressed with how she comes across as such a strong leader. I thought she did well tonight. I don't agree with everything she's about, but I'm never going to find a candidate I'm 100% happy with. I'm still undecided, but am leaning more from Obama toward Clinton. Slightly. Still undecided. She seemed comfortable tonight. Some, like Richardson, and even Gravel, seemed downright ... well, not comfortable.

But, I'm tired of of writing about this, so you all watch it on YouTube if you didn't get a chance to see it.

Rick & Steve, Happy and Gay Like You Wouldn't Believe!

I was going to do a proper post on this, even bordering on a review, but time is of the essence, so forget all that and just get thee to a television tomorrow night.

What: Logo's new TV program
Who: Rick & Steve, Happiest Gay Couple In the World
When: Tuesday, 10pm EST
Where: In front of your TV, Logo channel
Why: It rocks

This show is funny as hell. It's based on a film short that was done in the late 90s by Q. Allan Brocka. It takes place in a gay and colorful town known as West Lahunga Beach.

The main characters are Rick, a Filipino genius househusband, and his partner, Steve, a hottie gymgod real estate agent. Rick's best friend, Kirsten, is a lipstick lesbian who's hooked up with Dana, the quintessential mullet-sporting Jewish-American bulldyke. Though Rick and Kirsten are friends, their partners aren't fond of each other, so there is much witty verbal sparring between Dana and Steve. Other friends include Chuck, a wheelchair bound HIV+ older guy, and Evan, his hottie twink houseboy and lovah. There are also Ebony & Ivory, politically correct lesbian couple, whose new baby, Echinacea, is gender-secreted for now, as her-or-his Mommies don't want to impose gender roles on her-or-him.

These are not live action characters, nor are they cartoons a la Homer Simpson and South Park. They are modeled after those plastic kids' toys that come in sets like Pirates, Cowboys, Astronauts and the like. (Parents, you will find them oddly reminiscent of Playmobile people. You know what I'm talking about.) Take a gander:

(all photos from the official Rick & Steve website, happiestgaycouple.com. )

Rick, Steve, and Steve's parents, who are in some serious denial..
(Note the Assembly of God Hairdo on Mom)

Dana & Kirsten. Kirsten is Rick's good friend. Note Dana's rockin' mullet.

Rick and Steve at marriage counseling

Dana & Kirsten with friends Ebony, Ivory, and baby Echinacea.

Evan & Chuck (note erotic art on wall.)

I missed the first 2 episodes, but that shit was so funny my daughter and I found them on YouTube and popped some popcorn. I tried to find the links to the episodes for you, but my slowass computer is not cooperating, and patience is not my virtue tonight. They're there, though, although you have to watch each episode in three 7-minute parts, as you apparently can't upload more than 10 minutes to YouTube or some shit. Worth it though. You can also download the episodes from their website.

You can check out a full review here, and their website here. (scroll down to see each character's description) The website has clips that will make you want to download the full episodes. You can even download wallpaper.

Anyway, check it out if you're around at 10pm (eastern, of course, because those guys are sooo important) Tuesday night. This is some funny shit.

A Photographic Tribute to My Camera: Around Town

Various shots from around Seattle.

Houseboats



Heart Rocks



Birds at Sunset




The 60s Live On in Fremont




Folk Life Festival



Fountain Fun



Dancers at Folk Life


Joy
(I just loved these guys)



Hell & Damnation



Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence
(Bat-n-Rouge softball game, Dykes v. Drag Queens, Pride kick-0ff)



Our Favorite Drag Queen
(The only one to run the bases in high heels! Go, girl!)



Clouds
(Photo credit: the Male Offspring)



Pike Place Market



Post Alley



Piano Practice
(Summer 05)



Sunset at the Beach