Jam the Knee at the Jamboree
Cowbell Waxes Splenetic on Deranged Suburban Sports Parents
So the son's first good play, he lands right on the Wipeout Knee. The skin has grown back, so the gore has morphed into a scar, but the joint is still a bit tender. The boy won't even going to make it to the first game at this rate.
Check out the sequence shots on the new camera.*
See the guy in the tight purple spandex to the far left, waiting for the ball? That's my baby:
Hike!
.JPG)
Ready to catch(the ball is right in front of the guy in red, coming toward the son, left)
.JPG)
Bam! Clean catch.
.JPG)
Take off!
.JPG)
"You're so going down, dude"
.JPG)
And ... they're on him.
He got first down, though. Go, baby!
Some of these sports parents, though ... whew! It's wild. You overhear all kinds of shit at these games. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am all about my kids' sports -- I love seeing them get out there and do something they love, and it's fun.
But damn, people, they're kids, it's freshman year -- this is not the friggin' NFL.
These guys go on about why the coach doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground, how things were different when they played, how good they were when they coached pee-wee ball.
And don't let a kid miss a pass or a block.
Last year, 8th grade season, a group of the dads were talking, and one of them started complaining about some kid the coach put in. "Coach doesn't know what the hell he's doing! why the hell did he put _________ in? That kid's a pansy, what's he doing in there? He expects to win like that?"
Yeah. 8th grade. WTF, people? How are they supposed to learn to play if you never put them in? And by the way, your star quarterback son? He still shits brown like everyone else, and guess what, he's dropped the ball a time or two, and the boy can't play by himself.
There's no "I" in team, asshole. What kind of coach did you have?
Some of these guys are living their glory days through their sons, while they sit behind a desk or drive a forklift all day. I tell you what dude, when you're wearing an NFL uniform, you can talk shit and I'll listen. Until then, let the kids play and the coaches coach. It's not your clipboard, jerkoff.
Anyway.
My kid had fun today. And yes, as a matter of fact, he did kick ass, but either way, it's about putting kids in and watching young men develop.
Way to go, baby.
* I had planned to do a sort of Adoption Announcement post for the new camera, to balance mourning the death of Dear Camera, but varied and sundry shit began hitting various fans about that time, and well ... I just didn't.
16 comments:
look at sonnyboy doin' his thing. i don't know the first thing about football and have never been to a game ever but the son looks like he's having fun so...that's good?
yes, it was good. I just hope he can make it through the next 4 years without too much injury.
And I hope I can make it through the next 4 years without going off on one of these parents.
Glad the offspring had a good time. As for the parents, sorry hon, but it was like that when I was a wee ganome back at the dawn of time. I'm the kid that never got picked, never got to play and was given a hard time because one team or another got stuck with me, and then I spent all my time warming benchs. I think that may be one of the reasons I hate sports so much, since I can't figure out why anyone would think it's fun. It sure as hell wasn't any fun for me.
ok...citymouse rant (sorry) but that is so why i never encouraged my kids into sports. when they were very young 1st grade-- i hear the parents, i saw how the old kids who were "setting the example" acted and treated the other kids. The parents talked about this being their way to socialize-- we go to practice together and we got to games together --- what they didnt tell me is that they would rip on any one who's kid wasnt an allstar-- and they would rip on the other parents.
So, my kids are bandos--- and parents just dont talk to me and at this point it is fine!
Ya, i hope my kids will do a sprot they enjoy because they enjoy it! Maybe like track or cross country or golf-- there are very few parents who show up to those things and they dont ever say "why did they let so and so in?"
ok... im done... im just glad youre not one of "those" moms
Evil-G/Mouse: Not all the parents are like that -- there are some who think it's a bunch of a crap, what those guys do. It's like an older version of high school: you've got these former quarterbacks and cheerleaders and their ilk who are still pulling the same shit they did in high school. Plus the guys who never made it to stardom in high school, so now they can basically lie and make out like they were. They're not the majority, but they're the loudest and cry for the most attention. Just like high school.
Whatever. They're sad. The coaches pretty much keep that shit away from the kids -- it's just me who has to hear it, ha.
For my 2 younger kids (eldest was never into sports, other than watching soccer and the Seahawks), sports have been great for them. The coaches they've had have mostly been wonderful mentors, and I've seen their confidence, self-esteem, responsibility, commitment, all that stuff just grow. Not that you can't have that without sports -- the eldest did just fine, and she was definitely the most non-sports person ever.
I think it's especially important for my son to have male mentors and mentors who are people of color, like him, because lordknows he's not getting that in school. It's truly made a visible difference in him, so that's a big reason I'm on that bandwagon. Just not down with the parental bullshit.
Quote: "There's no "I" in team, asshole."
But you can't spell "team" without "me!"
Best of luck to you and your son's knee!
(I gotta add you to my blogroll someday...)
When I was growing up my older brothers wrestled and I fenced (and my parents didn't know I was gay - puhleeeeeze) Anyhoo, when we would go to the wrestling matches one of the mother's of my bother's teammates' used to yell from the stands to her son, "Kill him Honey! Rip his head off Honey! Pin him hard Honey!"
She also had one of THOSE voices that would carry all over the gym - it was the same sound as fingernails scraped against a chalkboard. She also was a racist on top of it and was not shy about it either. Lovely combination.
They finally had to ban her from the competitions.
When I would go to fencing tournaments, I could hear my mom flinch every time I was touched with the Épée blade or slapped with the saber. She almost passed out when a Épée blade accidently made it's way between my protective mask bib and my body vest and cut my neck.
Was he really just a cute little boy so short a time a go? Look at him go now!!!!!
Don't you just want to put a foot in their asses? My brother and I got into a tussle with a loudmouthed asshole at one of my nephew's soccer games. We stood up to his asinine behavior, and he wanted to start a fist fight, right there, in front of his kids and everyone else. We got him to the ground and several other parents ran over and helped us hold him till he could get his distemper in check. I wonder if his children made it through their adolescence without serious scrapes? With a parent like that as a role model, I worry.
I hated those asswipes in high school too... not surprised to hear they haven't changed.
First down! Can't win without 'em!
Sigh. I just signed up The Child for volleyball, even though the coach is, in fact, an asshole and she will spend more time on the bench than not. Oh, and he won't actually bother to coach her or any of the other players that show promise but have room for improvement because hello? you don't win with the second string so why bother.
I didn't want to do it. Didn't want to waste the money, the time schlepping to and from practises, arranging mealtimes around perverse game schedules, all so I could sit in a smelly gym and watch my kid sit on the bench.
Despite all she's been through, though, she wants to play. Why? Because she loves the sport and she's missed it.
So she's playing. Kid has way more heart than I do, that's for sure.
Craig: I think the A in team stands for these assclowns. Hey, me too --- I thought I already added you, damn, I'm a slacker.
RG: the military AND a fencer, damn boy, you're badass. Actually, after reading how you neutralized that group of homophobes, you seriously are badass. If you'd have whipped out your fencing blade ... they'd have really been sorry.
Anonymous: I know, right? What happened to that kid?
Tater Tough: Damn, you're badass too! Yeah, those parents sure arne't doing their kids any favors, as far as skills to take out into the world.
Allan: You may have actually gone to school w/ these guys.
L: Wow! Well good for the Child! She'll figure it out. Is it a school team, or community? Sometimes having a friendly (harhar) talk with the coach beforehand, asking him about his philosophies yada yada, getting a few of yours in there, helps. You know the deal, just like w/ teachers: if they see your face from teh beginning, they're more on their toes. The school teams often try to push teamwork and participation, but yeah, a lot depends on the coach.
The freshman coaches suprised me this weekend: the guys didn't do great at the Jamboree (not a game, just plays on the field) compared to the other teams. The coaches sent out an email today saying they felt it was more important to get ALL the guys on the field, they're only freshman, it's a 4yr program, they're not looking to make an A-list now, they're looking to develop a team.
!!!! Yeah. Wow.
The schlepping, yeah, pain in the ass. But, I did it for my eldest with music (every damn saturday in Bellevue for "music academy", every tues. night piano lessons in north seattle ... performances, concerts ... you get the pic) So it ws only fair to do the same for the others.
I was very surprised how much I ended up LIKING the sports stuff though. Contrary to what you read here, I was never a sports person -- I did music as a kid. Maybe you'll become a volleyball addict?
Hey, it was worth a shot. There's always martinis after the drive home ... Good luck to the Child, I hope it's fun for her.
Damn I just wrote a book. Sorry.
It's funny - I was watching the Colts the other day, and Peyton Manning's parents were there, right, and every time it cut to them in the stands they looked like Dubya had his finger over the nukyular bomb button or something. I think his mom was literally biting her nails. And the announcer's like, "I've never seen calm NFL parents."
The parent thing? This is why I never played sports as a kid. Total performance anxiety, on top of the whole wondering why I liked to look at naked boys showering. It was best at the time to stay away.
Of course, NOW I wish I were more athletic -- but c'est la vie. I'm sane and alive, so good enough at this point.
That's the biggest problem, CB. I have talked with this coach. He knows my face. I think he even, in some deep recess of his reptilian brain, fears it. But it didn't change anything the first 2 times I said something to him so I doubt it will now.
You know what I really want to say to him? I want to tell him, "She wanted to sign up because she loves this sport, despite the fact that you aren't going to teach her, coach her, encourage her or play her. She has the heart of a champion even though you're too obsessed with winning to see that. I'm thankful that her love for this sport hasn't been taken from her despite your best efforts. You big stupid koiheaded jerkwad".
And when I call him a koihead, it is NOT meant in a nice way.
WM: Well you know if your brother ever makes it to the NFL, I am going to be ridiculous. The "That's My Baby!!" thing in nightmare proportions.
Red: I missed you! Yeah, I was actually never into sports as a kid either. I wish my parents had gotten me into it, though.
L: I'm pretty sure those deep recesses of his (reptilian, ha!) brain do fear you. As it should be. He sounds like he might be buddies with those dads from the football team. Does he have any assistant coaches? I'm so impressed with the Child for wanting to play regardless of what the adults are doing. I don't really understand why guys like that want to coach kids -- go coach a community team and get your testosterone on, dude.
Yeah, I didn't think you intended a koi-kompliment there.
Post a Comment