The Ice Pick Cometh

The Ovary Gremlin is here. I hate that fucker. It hardly ever happens to me. I've never been one to suffer from "female issues", at least not since those awful cramps of high school. No PMS or any of that. But the Ovary Gremlin is getting his evil on today, wielding his ice pick of doom. I mean the kind of evil where you can't stand up straight, and feel compelled to hurl obscenities behind the effort. Satan's Asshole!*

Sadistic little bastard.

The plan was to work from home a partial day today, while also attending to some things that need doing around the house. Like cleaning. And laundry. You know, those little extras that make a house a home. This pretty much shoots that plan in the ass. Or the ovary. The left one, to be specific. Which makes no sense, timing-wise, as Aunt Flo has come and gone, and I am not in the 'window of fertility', but whatever.

I'm attending the Seattle Race Conference tonight -- hopefully without the Gremlin -- and all day tomorrow. Yes, there's Sunday, but seriously people, going full bore all week, then spending Sunday cleaning and errand-running is a sure recipe for bitchiness and slackassedness the following Monday.

I really hate when I take some time off from work and then have to waste it over some kind of health issue. You think I want to actually use my sick leave for being sick? Please. When you're really sick, you're just grateful for that time to lie under your comforter, dozing in front of old movies and moaning pitifully. But this ... I'm not sick, I'm antsy because I'm wasting perfectly good sick leave being not-sick instead of getting things done.

It's all about sadistic hijinx with the Ovary Gremlin. He'd better be done with me by 5:30 tonight.

None of this is made better by the fact that I was insomniacing last night. Yes, I just coined a verb. Anyway, since I knew I wasn't getting up early to head on in to the office, I was doing my usual online multitasking - checking up on the lastest Republican anti-gay politician in my state caught soliciting gay sex, reading porn at certain blogbuddy sites, drooling over books even though I have a huge unread backlog, and paying online bills. I finally checked out Smilebox, which a few people -- both cyber and "real" -- have talked about. You've probably seen creations over at Lorraine's, who will, I'm sure, be happy to know she was absolutely correct in that Smilebox is basically cybercrack. I think another blogger provided her first taste.

Thus begins the ugly cycle of addiction.

I made this huge slide show for my mom, partly to make up for the fact that I, once again, did not get my father's birthday card out on time. This is a huge deal to the folks. I suck at things like that. I am the world's worst daughter.

Anyway, so I'm merrily Smileboxing away, putting this thing together, when I realize it is 4:00 in the morning. What the hell? I mean, I've heard about one's sense of time being skewed while under the influence of drugs, but this is ridiculous. Crap. Hey, give me a break, there are three kids so really it's like triple the slideshows, triple the fun. Which sounds way more productive.

Anyway, hopefully this will be a change from the usual Kodak Gallery slideshows of the kids for my mom. Take her mind off of my slackass card deficiency. Maybe I'll post it here after I change the caption names. My mom would wonder why the hell the kids were labeled Radical Bohemian or Teen Demon or Male Offspring. Then again, maybe she wouldn't.


*Credit: delightfully effective curse shamelessly stolen from the Radical Bohemian. Her creativity astounds me, as always.