Where the Hell is My Palm Pilot?
OK, things are seriously out of control. As if my old house wasn't enough, my schedule is kicking my ass:
Last Thursday:
--Work
--5:30, meeting w/ school district.
--7pm, Curriculum Night. Collect 5 extra credit points for Male Offspring.
--9:45, talk to another parent about fucked up issue w/ her daughter.
--Home @ 11pm
--Eat pumpkin pie for dinner.
Weekend: Heat/Plumbing Insanity. Stinkfest.
Monday:
--Work until 7pm. Worship Teen Demon for picking her brother up from football.
--7pm, Shop with Teen Demon for upcoming college visit. (clothes that aren't jeans.)
--8pm, go into official "Mall Rage".
--Home @ 9:30
--Cook dinner
Tuesday:
--Work
--6:30, Pick up Male Offspring from football
--7pm, IB & class rank meeting at school.
--Home @ 9:45
--Cook dinner
Wednesday:
--Work
--4pm, meet w/ principal of local middle school for district group.
--5:30pm, back to work.
--6:15, pick up Male Offspring from football.
--7pm, Math Night at high school ... but I can't go as I'm already attending:
--7pm, Community meeting with Diversity Commission and local law enforcement,
--Home @ 11pm
--Eat a damned piece of pumpkin pie for dinner
Thursday:.
--4:30am (Yes, I friggin' said A.M.) Take Teen Demon to airport, beat morning rush hour.
--Work
--4:30pm, FOOTBALL GAME, Male Offspring
--Home @ who-the-fuck-knows-what-time
--Go under house and wrap water heater with special water heater blanket. Curse.
--Microwave a frozen burrito
--Beer
Friday:
--Work
--HOME @ NORMAL TIME!
--Advertise for a wife.
--Pick up dog shit in yard. Curse at all the rain we've had.
Yeah, so basically my house is a mess again, and my ass is fast approaching the size of Delaware, due to late night dinners and mass amounts of pumpkin pie being consumed.
28 comments:
Don't know how you do it. I would happily donate to a fund raising campaign for a "Cowbell domestic bliss day". You could hire a handy man, Merry Maids, send the kids out to a movie, have a massage, a glass of wine, a sumptuous meal, and a hot piece of man for dessert. How much would we need to raise for a day like this?
Tater, you're a genius. And I'll totally chip in.
Cowbell, you're doing amazing work. Lord knows you keep up with this $#!t far better than I, and it's just me and the two cats to worry about. Good on ya, hon ... and hang in there.
You have my sympathy. I thought one teenage girl was a task. (Okay, she was constantly in trouble, but still no comparison)
I will chip in to the Cowbell fund, girl you need a decent meal and as my daughter would tell me when I was stressing out. You need to get laid.
Boys: Have I told you lately that I love you? (stole your line, Tater.) No wonder I have e-crushes on you all. Maybe I should put out a tip jar, ha! Evil-G, point taken. Maybe Tater's idea of a massage would include the mythical "happy finish" or whatever the hell it is.
Hey, at least you are getting some vegetables in all those slices of pumpkin pie.
may i just say when life does this to me i live off of breakfast bars...oh...and vodka
Does miss Cowbell have a paypal account? I was serious.
Oh! 'Cowbell Domestic Bliss Day'!
I'm on it.
KA: Exactly. Fiber, too. And I'm pretty sure the crust is from the "crust & pastry" essential foodgroup.
Mouse: I think I overloaded on those things at one point. Breakfars bars, not vodka.
Tater: bless your li'l ol' heart -- I couldn't let you do that, though. Besides, how are you sure I'm not one of those Internet Freaks that I warn the kids about? Didn't your mama ever warn you about sending hard earned cash to dubious women on the Internets?
But I think I love you a little bit...
Hat: Just give me the juicy details of your New & Exciting dating life. Because you know I"m all about the details.
My mom was one of "those" women. ;) She would of course turn purple and die if she knew I said that about her, being a graceful, southern beauty and all.
Why can't your reader's offer you a special day? You are highly deserving of one.
What's with all the pumpkin pies?
Did you have some Canadians over for Thanksgiving dinner this week?
Pumpkin pie is soul food.
Seriously, I would love to give you a day off.....want me to come over and clean? Great stress reliever for me...but be aware...I throw stuff out.
I would happily help with a donation for a cowbell day off. Just let me know everyone. My email is on my blog
Jeebus you're as busy as a one-legged man in a butt kicking contest. Jeesh. I was tired just reading your post. And I had a weird craving for pumpkin pie.
You DO need a Cowbell Domestic Bliss Day - So far we have six people who are willing to donate - that Day Spa is just a couple of more donations away. Hopefully, there will be a male massage therapist at the Day Spa who will "help" you with your stress.
Gay Boyz, and friends, what do say? You in? Put out the word - We need to make this happen!
I feel a post coming on on my blog....
Damn woman! Just reading that makes me tired.
Tater: your mom was a warner? Or an Internets freak?
Craig: Hello. My name is Cowbell, and I'm a pumpkin pie addict. It's been 27 minutes since my last piece.
Rosemary: I maintain that your devotion to cleanliness -- even when you were working, rising at some ungodly hour -- is the result of your being a superior alien creature from another galaxy. I'd build you a pedestal, but you'd just have to dust it.
RG: And how, Spanky. Give in, you skinny bitch ... eat the pie! Pumpkin, I'm talking pumpkin. Settle down.
Everyone: You all are wonderful, and I'm kind of at a loss for what to say -- who knew my bitching and moaning would result in such warmhearted cyberlove from folks whom I've (mostly) never met in the flesh. After all, as I told Tater, I could be a crazed Internet freak slowly pulling you into my web of perverted deception. (which some of you would love, by the way.) I am a bit stunned, and just ... wow, you guys are fantabulous.
So, it's like this -- I have a very very hard time accepting help from folks -- I've been told it's a sickness as well as a total pain in the ass, but what are you going to do, there it is. Blame my dad. Bootstrapper crap. But honestly, as trite or cliche as it sounds, your kind thoughts blew me away, and are worth more to me than any currency. It actually made me teary. If you'd had a hidden webcam installed in my house for perverted and nefarious purposes, you'd have seen for yourselves. You all rock, sorry I'm so Clint Eastwoodish on taking you up on your kind offers.
All y'all rock.
Hey Whim! Sorry I haven't been to your place in a while ... been a little busy, ha! I'm on my way...
i'm surprised it took so long for beer and wine to show up in the week.
aww, li'l cowbell needs a vacation!
Monica: Only because I didn't have time to go to the store. The problem is work. If I just didn't have to work, damnit, I could concentrate on all the other stuff. I think the answer is to just have Angelina Jolie adopt me and the offspring. Although that opens the door to me developing some weird form of the Oedipus Complex.
Hey, Delaware's really not that big a state.... could be worse. Could be (shudder) Texass.
Elizabeth: haha on the Texass. Delaware may not be big as far as states go, but when it comes to assage ... it's big.
Okay. Okay. I'll eat the pumpkin pie! But, I WILL NOT DRINK THE KOOL-AID. LOL
Hang in there.
Cocktail?
Ok, that's it. When do you want me to come over? I'll take my chances on the internet freak thing. I have mad skillz. Some day people will pay me for them. I've been told to stop giving it away but dammit, this is a crisis. I can't do anything about the crazy schedule or the motherfrakking old house but I'm pretty sure there are some things I could do to ease the weight. (That's what got me. Not the mad schedule...not the pumpkin pie for dinner. Hey, we've all done that. But "weight" for a label? Last straw).
I'm dead serious, Cowbell.
L: hahaha, I think you just put your cyberfoot down. But you know I'm one of those people who'd have to clean and refinish the floors (after sweeping up the dog hair) before the organizer came over. My control issues would totally freak the "frak" out.
Besides, didn't your mama ever tell you that bit about how folks won't buy the cow if they're getting the milk for free?
That cocktail though ...
Tater? Red? Back me up here....
Lorraine: Wish I could, but people have to be ready to be helped, I guess. As a MAN with lots of FEMALE friends, I've been (almost) trained out of the response I have to want to "fix" things when my friends just want to "vent."
While I still don't understand how they sometimes do not wish to see the BRILLIANCE and CLARITY of MY VISION where their problems are concerned, I'm learning to accept the fact that just listening is often the very, very best thing for me to do.
Not that your offer wasn't totally sweet and gracious.
Lorraine: Oh, now that's low, calling for back-up!
Red: Ah ... so some women somewhere have introduced you to the concept of "just listening". Good on them. Consider yourself evolved, O Penis Sporter. (Don't worry, I'm sure you are, in fact, brilliant and have awesome clarity of vision.)
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