Mom? Is That You?!
My mom is on Facebook. See previous post for relevance.
Yeah. Some of you understand my dilemma. Sis friended Mom. Sis and I are friends, both relatively new Facebookers. Sis and I are both friends with Atheist Uncle, Mom's estranged elder brother by 11 months, and his heathen, albeit hilariously witty, wife and kids. Yeah. I'm sure that's already caused some family drama under the surface, which will assuredly be masked by LOLs and :-)'s. Mom refused to attend cousin's wedding because it was performed by a Wiccan priestess in a deconsecrated Catholic church. Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. That whole atheist-evangelical dynamic? The proverbial oil and water.
So, I'm a horrible daughter if I don't friend my own mom, and I risk letting myself and possibly the Freedom School kids in for some hurtful comments if I do. And truth is, I would love to be friended up with Mom to share pics, small life details, and overcome that blasted time-zone + work hours communication differential. I just don't want it used as a platform to force my ass to see those political/racial/religious emails that I delete without reading.
In fairness, I don't know that my mom would do that. Maybe I'm just being a bitch. She misses us, she feels out of contact with me and the kids. And I'm the first to admit that I suck ass big time at keeping in touch. I'm really shitty in that department. I should do better. My mom is sporting major stretch marks because of my ass. Well, more specifically my head, but you get my gist. Facebook would make it much easier for me not to suck at that.
I friended her. Yeah. I think she's already got her privacy ettings up though, because neither I nor Sis can write on her wall. And Sis is a religious Repub, although a very cool open-minded one.
I have adjusted my privacy settings accordingly until I can ascertain her intent. I hope I'm just being a pessimistic bitch of a horrible daughter. I really do.
16 comments:
better safe than... and its good that you've given her the benefit 'cause despite it all you love each other.
No you are not a horrible daughter. You are a woman who has her own mind. My sister I believed actually blocked me on facebook -- and I am so good with that because I could not stand to watch her print lies and keep quite. As for your mom ---she will always be who she is and a product of where she has come from. You can not change her. But you seemed to turn out okay ;-)
You can de-friend someone can't you? Give her the benefit of the doubt - for now.
THIS is why I don't "do" Facebook.
There was an NPR story about grown-kids and whether or not it's okay or not okay to friend your folks...something about not feeling the guilt of ignoring requests.
And yeah, isn't there an "unfriending" option? I hope...
I have a facebook account.
I totally suck at keeping it up.
It seems to me though,that you should have a place you can go to speak your mind without fear of family recriminations.
..That's my two cents.
Willym: Exactly.
CM: Family dynamics are weird, aren't they?
RG: Yes, but to defriend your own mom ... geez. I've been really boning up on the finer nuances of privacy settings.
TW: Yeah, then I also worry whether I'm stressing my OWN kids out on Facebook, ha! I hope not.
Slingster: That's what this place is for. And thank goodness for it.
I was on facebook a lot until my mother signed up for facebook. I love her, of course, so I friended her. But she's never fully approved of me and my choices. It's just too stressful for me to put even more of my life up for her judgement. Now I just put the fairly shallow things on FB. It's too bad, but I just couldn't deal.
E: the privacy settings are a lot more advanced than I'd realized ...
My Mom is my facebook friend too..I rarely go on there..she is addicted. She Pokes me sends me crap...Every now and then I write on her wall..
i don't so facebook much...my daughter invited me to be a friend....but on her nice page....I suspect has has another one where I am not welcome because she talks about her real life. I really don't want to be "found" nor do i want to communicate with anyone from my past.
I hope this works out in the end so you can all feel good about things..
I think in many ways we have lived parallel lives. I found your site because of the Hell that is Frozen Shoulder. I continued reading . . .
I too served in the military. I too learned German in an immersion situation (3.5 years in Germany). I send my children to an immersion school to learn German (and it is taught by native speakers).
I, too, suffer from endless false emails - a ten second search on Google usually uncovers the truth. Unlike you, I have decided to hit reply all and point out the lies. I usually get venomous responses telling me that I am the antichrist, or some such. However, I am heartened by the occassional kudos I receive.
I appreciate what you are doing, I am going to use your posts to discuss race with my kids (sorry I haven't done it yet, but honestly, I just stumbled on your site). I am also going to link back to your blog in a series of Facebook posts, unless you would prefer that I refrain.
Keep up the good work. I Need More Cowbell.
Welcome, Stephen ... or should I say Antichrist?! Thanks for the good words. And actually, today is a highly appropriate day for diving into that history with the kids -- Genocidal Asshat day, aka Columbus Day. (link above, in today's post).
I'm really glad to hear you say that about talking to your kids. An article was recently published (I want to say Newsweek?) that had a pretty sensationalist title - something like, "Is Your Baby Racist", which I thought really misrepresented the content - BUT one thing that came out of the research was that the overwhelming majority of white parents NEVER talk to their kids about race. I don't know whether you're of Caucasian persuasion, but anyway, was glad to read that you're going to make that a priority.
Welcome to the insanity, I mean the blog. I've been kind of a slacker poster, but Seattle rains are coming, so I may be posting more.
PS to all:
My mom apparently defriended me. Whew.
Uh oh - was it because of something you posted, or was it fear of what you would post?
Nope, I only played nice. I made no comments at all about religion or politics, only positive comments, like about pics. I don't really know why. I imagine most of her other friends are hard core right wingers, and maybe she didn't want me to see those comments? Anyway. It makes me sad.
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