Bobby, You're Doin' a Heckuva Job!

Stardate: Monday, March 2nd. Cowbell's Log: Male Offspring is home from school now, but (shh) hasn't taken his computer back yet. I'm assuming this means he doesn't have any homework, not that he isn't doing his homework.

So I'm blogging. I know, I just blogged this morning. Crazy, right? It's almost like having a computer again. I feel like one of those monkeys with unlimited access to cocaine who keep pushing the button until they're coked out. Pace myself, I know. I'm saving this one and another as drafts to publish later. Dole it out. Make it last.

Guys, there have been so many things I've wanted to blog about. When I do get some time, it's hard to write about anything serious, because I know I'll only have the computer for a limited time. Pressure. Like a timed test, but without the number 2 pencil. Of course, now that I have a computer in front me, my mind is a complete blank, but trust me, there's a lot I wanted to blog about. The Inauguration, for one. OK, never mind, too much pressure to put THAT into words. Male Offspring will be here any minute. What else?

Oh, I know.


Fast forward to President Obama's speech last week. How good does it feel to have a competent leader at the helm? And how good does it feel to watch my son watching the President's speech? Every time the man speaks, Male Offspring is right there. He watches the news more now, too. Discusses issues. Ask questions. Talks about his opinions. Says his President rocks. To those folks who "just don't see color", and think it doesn't matter if a role model is green, purple or polka-dot ... it matters. It matters a lot.

So the son and I watch the speech. Then comes the Republican response. People ... what the hell was that? I'm sorry, but Bobby Jindal looked like one of those dolls where you pull a string and he talks. I think they wound his string too tight.

You know how, when people are on stage -- singing, speaking, playing violin, whatever -- and it's so bad that you're embarrassed for them? It was like that. It reminded me of high school, when Scott Fitzgerald sang I Got Rhythm at the spring concert. Except he didn't. Have rhythm, that is. Sweet boy, but ... no. It was excruciating. I remember squirming, watching him stiffly snapping his fingers off the beat while singing at the floor, his voice occasionally cracking. God, I wanted to disappear in a hole for him.

Bobby Jindal was about like that, on the stiff and awkward scale. I kept waiting for someone to use his tie like one of those big stage hooks, and reel him off stage.

He started off like he was in some weird "who's the most ethnic" contest or something. Did you all catch that? He's all like, oh yeah, keep your Hawaii and Indonesia and Kenyan father -- MY parents were immigrants! My mom was 4 months pregnant with me when we got here, so I was like a pre-existing condition! [stretch lips over teeth, force chuckle, hold for 2 beats]

Really? So ... in the Republican response, you not only want to bring up immigration, but immigrants entering the country shortly before giving birth to a child who will then be an American citizen, via the US health care system? Look dude, maybe nobody briefed you, but your party is against immigration. And immigrants having babies here. And immigrants having access to health care. Yeah, it's kind of a major party platform. So ... where were you going with that? And the Hurricane Katrina bit? Whose brainchild was that? Psst, Bobby: your party blew the whole Katrina thing. Bad. It's true. You guys were basically a laughingstock. Not sure where you were going with that one, either.

So I'm sitting there asking, where's the response? He's supposed to be responding to the President's speech. Did he even listen to the President's speech? Did no one forward them a transcript? Did his staff set him up? Because really, there's a bit of a disconnect here.

Male Offspring didn't respond to my questions right away. He was sort of entranced, mouth half-open, brows furrowed. I think the tie hypnotized him.

I really was expecting more. This is the great hope of the Republican party? If he and Sarah Youbetcha Palin are the rising stars ... oh hell yeah, we've got our 8 years in the bag. Bobby you're doin' a heckuva job!