An Oil Change ... and One Hell of a Lube Job

I paid $88 for an oil change today.

WTF?

OK, an oil change and a "5,000 mile service", to be exact. This means they changed the oil, checked brake pads and tire pressure, and topped off fluids. Like I said, an $88 oil change.

The accompanying lube job was free, courtesy of VW. They had me bent over like a porn star.

The original estimate was $67, as if $67 for a friggin' oil change wasn't bad enough. It was explained to me like this:

• Synthetic is more expensive than regular oil, because it is superior.
• Regular oil must be changed every 3,000 miles.
• Synthetic oil only needs to be changed every 5,000 miles.
• After the first two, you can go 10,000 miles between oil changes.
• This saves you money! (Yet leaves me wondering if it actually does cost more, or if they just charge you more because you're not coming in as often. Bastards.)

OK, fine. I haven't had a haircut in 9 months; I don't have time to get my oil changed every 3,000 miles. I agree to the Synthetic Snake Wonder Oil.

When I get there, "Sonny" circles my car and shrewdly asks, "So ... is this a 4-cylinder or 6?" I'm thinking, "You're the one with VW on your nametag, Sonny, YOU figure it out," This is not inspiring a lot of confidence in my local VW dealer. When I pick up the car, he sheepishly informs me that -- Surprise! My car is actually a 5-cylinder! Who knew?!

Sonny got a good chuckle out of that one. The "extra" cylinder means an additional $7 .50 for an "extra" quart of oil. Another $7.15 in tax, a $3 "shop charge", and I'm ready to ring out at nearly $88.

Sonny then left me in the incapable hands of Cashier Lady, who promptly left to run after the previous customer. "Why, she took the original! She's supposed to take the copy!" she huffed, upon her return. Well! On to me. After much shuffling of papers, she informed me that Sonny, tsk tsk, had not printed my invoice. She loudly informed Sonny of this fact from across the room. Then -- Surprise! The invoice turned up in another customer's papers. Sonny had printed the invoice!

Cashier Lady did not inform Sonny or the room of this fact.

I had some questions for Cashier Lady:

1) Turns out the $3 "shop charge" tacked onto the bill was for disposing of the old oil. Now, call me crazy, but I'm thinking they probably knew ahead of time they'd be disposing of that old oil. Why wasn't the shop charge included in the original estimate? Cashier Lady blinked. "The computer does it that way."

2) Synthetic Wonder Oil rings up at just $7.50 per quart, so why was my original estimate $67 anydamnway? She consulted with Sonny. They vaguely mention labor costs and the fact that this was an "extra" quart, while poring over my invoice that Sonny had so kindly printed.

Goddamn, I miss Honda.

I used to drive a Honda CRV. Right up until last June 26th.
That's when some asshole driving his parents' car blew through a stop sign (at 224th and 98th --- you know who you are, dickmeister) and totaled my car. I loved that car. I saved for a very long time to get it. It was my first new and all-my-own car ever. It held 3 teenagers and a dog without crossing that line into bus-sized American gas-guzzlers. You know, the Soccer Moms in gi-normous Hummers chauffeuring Britnee and Tofer about town at 8 miles per gallon to tap, ballet, play dates, and of course, soccer.

Gotta have off-road capability for that.

Anyway, you know insurance didn't pay near enough to get a new CRV. Funny how my mint condition still-under-warranty car depreciated. Bastards. So: a used car, or a cheaper one? Didn't spend those years saving up to go back to driving another used car. Too many bad used car memories. Funny how no one ever totaled one of those junkers. Bastards.

Stop signs are there for a reason, people.

Now I drive a VW Rabbit. It's OK. Not much extra room. The dogs only ride if the back seats are folded down. The panel around the radio rattles at high speeds and the sunglass holder is cheap. The defrost mechanism is useless. I should not have to roll down windows and turn on the a/c in the winter in order to see out my damn window. It does have blue dashboard lights, a sunroof and heated seats, all standard, for under $20K.

The heated seats are better than sex, depending on the mood.

Had I been the irresponsible fuck who totaled my Honda, OK, fine, suck it up and deal with the consequences. But this bastard gets to fly through a stop sign, total my car, that I saved for, and Daddy's probably bought his dumb ass a new one by now.

Yeah, I'm bitter. Like I don't know that.

At the Honda service department an oil change was $29.95. Service was more, but I didn't mind maintaining that baby. They had an shuttle driver named Martín. He had a great smile and was always right on time with that shuttle ride. Neither of us could get used to Seattle weather. He got a promotion right before my car got totaled, and didn't have to drive the shuttle bus any more.

I bet Martín knew how many cylinders my Honda had.

Today, in a parking lot, my son suddenly says, "Sweeeet ---- what is that?!" "That" was the new redesigned 2007 CRV in a weirdly appealing limey-olive green.

Only 5,000 miles 'til my next service appointment.